24 July 2016

Apple Sound



A man ought to have hobbies. Hobbies that get you out into the world more often than cheering for a motherfucking parasite billionaire's hockey franchise.

I have drinking, politics, the horses, reading and record collecting. Still like to raise Hell now and again but not often enough to consider it a hobby. Only hobby I have dropped I can think of is marijuana farming. Happy I had that one in the days it was safe to have a hobby as lucrative and socially responsible as that.

Because of my hobbies people ask me to go out drinking, talk to me about politics, enquire about about horses, lend me books and give me records they have no further use of.

My friend Jimi's brother is moving out of his country estate and moving into Dope City to be closer to his medical specialists, the Stanley Park Lawn Bowling Club and the afterlife. Does not have room in his new apartment for his records so I got them. All of them from his teenage rebel days. Johnny Winters' "Austin Texas", dating from 1968, was the first one to hit my turntable. Notes on the back of it written by Lester fucking Bangs. It is all about the blues for me these days, motherfuckers.

All about the blues.

Gave me his turntable too. Packaged in its original box and styrofoam protection as turntables ought to be when being stored away or moved about. Unused for 30 years. CEC BD1000. Made in fucking Japan. Bought in 1966 in a little stereo shop, just a little ahead of its time, right here in Steepleton called "Apple Sound."

Thanks for the music, motherfuckers.


21 July 2016

2016 BC Summer Games Beer Garden, Safe Injection Site and Marijuana Smoking Lounge



Steepleton is hosting the BC Summer Games which get underway July 21st. Steepleton, being a small city with all the amenities big community events require, is a well suited host city. Lots of volunteerism here too so there is no shortage of people willing to help make things happen.

I was asked if I might like to help out this year by a youth sports enthusiast I am acquainted with. I was not doing anything special this weekend so I asked, "Is there a beer garden somewhere I can get a drink when I am not busy?"

The answer was, "No."

"But it is going to be hot as Adele's ass..."

"No beer garden."

Next year I can start asking about marijuana gardens to keep myself from volunteering for uptight youth organizations.

No beer = No Beer.

15 July 2016

Clean Your Clock



It was on the shelves for a month longer than I have waited to buy a new Motörhead release in a while but "Clean Your Clock" in its cd/dvd form is now mine. A vinyl copy of it will make its way onto my own shelves in good time.

Much better than I expected it is. Lemmy's voice is understandably a tad weak but other than that the band is in clock cleaning good form. Few songs off their last couple records and the usual high speed train wreck expected by their fragrant fans filling out the rest of the set. The perfect birthday or Chistmas gift for the young lad or lass in your life you would like to end up in prison for a good long spell.

Hard to say when I will watch the dvd. Prefer music without pictures you know really. Perhaps this Christmas, when I take note of our hate and war infected planet having survived without Lemmy a year, if indeed we do survive that long.

I feel better about old boy Lemmy being gone now. Just how a fine epitaph is meant to make you feel: thinking it's motherfucking great to be alive.

14 July 2016

On Changing the Lyrics To Canada's Anthem Before Baseball's All-Star Game



Lot of tutt-tutting in the wake of the dude singing some new lyrics to Canada's boring and tuneless as fuck national anthem. Tutt-tutting is not a strong point around the Dope City Free Press so you will not be hearing any of it from me.

I think fucking around with the lyrics of anthems is Anarchy so I instead applaud the dude. Anthems are for fucking fascists. Just like flags. I liked it better when hardly anybody knew the words to Canada's. Was not that long ago we just stood around and looked stupid as we waited to get back to our beer whenever the anthem got played.

God Save the Queen and the fascist regime indeed.

13 July 2016

Bleeding Twats



Bleeding
Twats.

That
Is

All
I

Have

To
Say

About
The

Pokemon
Revivalists.

11 July 2016

Ever Been To Merritt?



Ever been to Merritt? And I do not mean an emergency roadside beer shit stop. I mean, have you ever really been to Merritt?

Stopped there a couple days ago to take a break from driving through a violent rain storm. Had a hamburger and a big old beer shit in the Desert Inn. Heavenly hamburger, sparkling john with Steve Earle singing in it. Fuck Tripadvisor, this here is Beershitstopadvisor.

Sun came out so I had a look around. Turns out Merritt is where a Time Machine takes you if you want to get as far away from the 21st century as possible - to the days Anne Murray was young and teeth were either not white or plain gone.

Merritt is also home to the Canadian Country Music Hall of Fame which you simply must visit. You can put your hands in Anne Murray's hand prints as I did.

There is also a display of Ian Tyson's hat, rope and boots. Very cool. After I looked at those three fine objects for a spell I told the two young museum staff on hand the story about Tyson smoking up Bob Dylan for the first time. Looked like they believed me. Gave me The Look young people save for '70s survivors like me in any case. Looking more than a little like Willie Nelson makes my dope stories more credible than some people's I suppose.

Us Canadian country motherfuckers have long been quick on the draw when it comes to sharing our marijuana. Fucking museum should add one of Tyson's special roll ups to the hat, rope and boots display.


8 July 2016

Beer vs Wine



Reckon just about everyone who visits the Ogopogoland has a winery that has become a favourite of theirs over the years. I do not have one but Sonja does. I am not a wine man. Makes me fucking heave.

Quite some time ago we happened upon La Stella. They are a little high end for people with beer budgets like me. Sonja's budget is a little different from mine. I am pretty sure it is the same budget Anne Murray is on.

La Stella is so good they do not need your fucking business. Last time we were in there the tasting room looked like an English punk rock bar in 1977. Elbow to elbow we were with people who did not mind dropping cash on the proprietor like rich fuckers like dropping money in Christy Clark's handbag.

If you like Canadian wine you need look no further. If, on the other hand, you do not like Canadian wine you can fuck off.

5 July 2016

A Poem In Which I Sneak In Yet Another Sugary Reference To Anne Murray



I did
Not have
Have a
Lemonade stand

When I
Was a
Little motherfucking
Capitalist shithead

In Sliverville
It was
All about
Kool-ade

Sweet as Anne Murray's Springhill maple syrup swing


1 July 2016

Smothers Brothers - Curb Your Tongue, Knave! Think Ethnic.



I buy old records. Like everything I do, I do it for kicks. Some people shoot at one another in the street to get their kicks. My hobby is a little more pastoral, much like my Steepleton surroundings.

Yesterday I bought two mint Smothers Brothers records: "Think Ethnic" and "Curb Your Tongue, Knave!" Listened to them this morning, Sonja still curled up in bed,  as I made blueberry muffins and cleaned up the kitchen before heading out to join Shitface Canada on her annual holiday.

We both laughed as hard as the recorded audience did in early 1963 St. Louis and later that same year in Chicago. Timeless these records are. Took us both back to evenings in front of the family black and white. To the days when there was good shit on the rabbit ear topped box.

Our lives would have been both a lot less fun and a little less intelligent without the Smothers Brothers. Thanks, you crazy motherfuckers.

30 June 2016

What Have We Got?



We have got homelessness
We have got gang war
We have got cops gone wrong
We cannot afford to go to the store

We are so lucky to be living
And dying in the 21st century
A drone strike away from peace, love and understanding
One more international trade agreement from prosperity

We have got politicians
Who do not give a fuck
We have got overpaid bosses
Telling us to go suck

The big one, motherfuckers!

We are so lucky to be living
And dying in the 21st century
A drone strike away from peace, love and understanding
One more international trade agreement away from prosperity

We have to get United
Take our mob to the job and the streets
There is no good reason for wealth disparity
Get it together! I will see you in the streets!

We are so lucky to be living
And dying in the 21st century
A drone strike away from peace, love and understanding
One more international trade agreement from prosperity

Good times I keep hearing
Are right around the corner
It is the biggest lie of them all
The corner just keeps getting further

Away!