10 June 2018

Instinctive Forethought

When I was little,
Really little,
In the days
Of the six team NHL,

I chose
The team
I would support
Until the day I die.

The team was not
From fucking Ontario.
That, my friends,
Is known as

Instinctive forethought.

3 June 2018

Game On

Should Ontario shift from the fucking Liberals to the NDP it has far reaching implications for Canada. For if Ontario were to perform a similar shift in a federal election the game will be on.

27 May 2018

The Hook

I was standing on the corner waiting for the red hand to turn into the white man. In the lane across from me a driver for Aggressive Towing was impatiently waiting for another vehicle ahead of him patiently waiting herself to turn left towards the awaiting freedom of the highway. The tow truck’s windows were rolled all the way down as few cars windows are any more in our very nearly cigaretteless Utopia.

“What the motherfucking fuck are you waiting for you fat cunt cocksucking two bit double penetrated she male whore?”

Guess he was not having a great day. Made me happier than ever I am not among the demented army of drivers providing the transportation necessary to keep our society supplied with its every need and a hook for every breakdown.

13 May 2018

Ghost Cold Nose

I was awoke
By the ghost
Cold nose of
My last dog

Early this morning.
I took her
To the nearby
Woods to visit

Her friends, the
Ghosts of the homeless
Who once lived there.
It was the best morning

Of the the year thus far.

11 May 2018

Dope City Top 30

Let’s have a go at formative albums shall we?

1. Deep Purple’s “Machine Head.” First album I bought. Still love it. Fuck you.

2. Lou Reed’s “Berlin.” My introduction to my favourite songwriter.

3. Humble Pie’s “Rockin’ the Fillmore.” My first live album. Few, if any, are better.

4. Slade's “Alive.” My second live album. Louder than amplified whale shit. Also my first rock show.

4. Status Quo’s “Quo.” First album buy from the band that were my favourites until The Pistols.

5. Black Sabbath’s entire catalogue. No explanation necessary.

6. Rush’s first album. Best cover ever.

7. Bang’s first album. Too fucking heavy. Cover similar to Rush’s.

8. Heart’s entire catalogue just because they played my high school.

9. Led Zeppelin’s entire catalogue. Best Heart cover band ever.

10. Sweeney Todd’s first album. Delta Rec Centre show.

11. Almost forgot The Who. “I Can See For Miles.”

12. John Cale’s “Slow Dazzle.” Still think Anne Murray should have sung “Dirty Ass Rock ‘n’ Roll.”

That gets me to the end of Grade 11. When I went to England for a year.

13. Eddie and the Hot Rods first three albums. Two of the best rock shows ever

14. Stranglers first several records. At least four killer rock shows.

15. The Velvet Underground.

16. Groundhogs.

17. Pink Fairies.

18. Hawkwind/Motorhead. Same bill Slough Fulcrum. All their records.

19. Television’s first two albums. Blondie backing them up in London. Whole crowd sing along to Pistols’ “God Save The Queen.”

20. “Never Mind the Bollocks.” Greatest album ever - by far.

21. Ramones.

Meanwhile back in Canada.

22. DOA.

23. Subhumans.

24. Black Flag.

25. Avengers.

26. Dils

27. Dead Kennedy’s.

28. UK Subs. Commodore show ‘82 - best rock show ever - by far.

29. Almost forgot Sparkling Apple.

30. Drive By Truckers’ every last minute.

Honourable mentions for another date. Long live rock ‘n’ roll!

8 May 2018


The government, any government ever, think they are fucking smart. They are not, as has been proven over and over again since governments imposed themselves upon us centuries ago. And if that was not bad enough governments think they can control us. They cannot control us of course, though they do get the upper hand more often than is good for us.

Here is a real life example of how governments both fail to be smart and fail to control us. You know those flashing signs that are supposed to get us to drive a little less like the fucking maniacs we all are? They do not work of course. That is a given. What is even more remarkable is how creative people can get when the fucking government tries to control them. A lot of people, I hear, make sure they make the flashing signs flash “69” as they speed by.

16 April 2018

The Dope City Free Press Rejoices

I do not know what the fuck everyone is complaining about! By this time most springs I have mowed the grass half a dozen times. This year I have yet to do so once! Cool, wet weather is a gift. Hindoos at work tell me rain is God’s way of telling them he is happy.

Happy God = Happy Life. Rejoice in his happiness, motherfuckers!

2 April 2018

Beer’s Kentucky Derby 2018 Early Prediction

The field for the 2018 edition of the Kentucky Derby and it’s sister races that comprise the Triple Crown is about to be narrowed down in the next two weeks. I expect Justify, a Kentucky bred thoroughbred with Dope City breeding and ownership angles fans of horse racing near where I live like, to win the Santa Anita Derby next weekend and put yet another smile on Bob Baffert’s face come Derby day.

Your money may be attracted elsewhere. So be it. Looks a deep field this year.

Does not look like my favourite jockey, Kassie Guglielmino, has a mount for the world’s favourite horse race. She has yet to attract the attention of horse racing’s heavy weight division. She looks ready to me but I am a little short of having the means necessary to be shipping horses to motherfucking Kentucky.

28 March 2018

Anything Is Possible





26 March 2018

Juno Day Phone Call From Newfoundland

I was listening to Lou Reed, Art Bergman, the Rolling Stones and The Pointed Sticks when the phone rang. It was my dad. Calling from Newfoundland. He sounded well.

“Sitting down?” he asked, formalities complete.

I replied affirmatively.

“Your Aunt Emma died,” he informed me.

My only aunt who is younger than me. Grandma kept making babies until she was fucking near sixty.

“When she did not show at her grandson’s first birthday party a party was sent by her house. Had to break in. She was dead in her bed.”

Natural cause.

We talked some more and said our byes.

I love all my aunts and uncles but Emma was my favourite. She would be the first to agree with Lou Reed that life is good, but not fair at all.

That is four of my dad’s twelve brothers and sisters gone. But Emma’s the first one gone to make me wonder how fucking long I’ve got.