14 January 2018

Charles Manson Tribute Concert



The best thing about

Musicians
Dying
Is
The

Tribute
Shows
That
Soon

Thereafter
Rattle
Their
Skeletons.

10 January 2018

You Know What To Do When the Going Gets Weird



So...

Last year
Was the
Fuck show
Of all

Fuck shows
And a
Week into
2018 we

Get
Fucking Oprah
For
President.

7 January 2018

Never Give A Motherfucker An Even Break



Somebody put too many olives in my martinis last night. 

- W.C. Fields

Sonja and I watch more and more old movies as time passes. In part, no doubt, due to modern movies nearly all being produced (same as fucking near everything else) on planet Crap. Today it was “Never Give A Sucker An Even Break” featuring W.C. Fields.

Had not watched a Fields movie in many years. Probably since I was a kid.

“He’s fucked up,” was Sonja’s assessment of The Great Man. 

It occurred to me W.C. Fields may have influenced me more than just about anybody I watched in the black and white television era and I had forgotten about him.

The Turner Movie Channel. It is not just about old fucking movies. It is about rediscovering yourself.







31 December 2017

The Last Day of the Year



The
Last
Fucking
Day

Of
The
Year
Is

A
Good
Day
To

Go get some beer.

30 December 2017

Three Records



Sonja got me three records for Christmas. Pretty much all by old timers too. Bono was right when he recently characterized modern music as too girly. I have nothing against men wearing frilly knickers, got a drawer full of them myself, but I like my music by men and women who sweat, spit and smell real bad.

First up we have Deep Purple’s “Infinity.” Solid gold metal this is with some turned up to 11 organ to make it even better. For you metal fiends this is one more shining example of how the fuck it is done. For old timers like me it is one more diamond from the shit pile of modern music worth cranking up and enjoying in your rocking chair. Closes with a knockout version of “Roadhouse Blues.”

In the middle we have Ray Davies’ “Americana.” Davies’ voice and songs have been talking to me right in the head since shortly after I was born so I am just a little biased. Not everyone thinks this record great but I do and who are you going to trust, old Beer or everyone? It is a fucking gem. All about a country I fucking hate that Davies both lives and gets shot at in. Great record by a man I wished lived next door to me. Backing band are some of my favourite fucking Americans -The Jayhawks.

Lastly we have everyone’s favourite fucking Canadian besides Anne Murray: Neil Young. He is backed again by Willie Nelson’s talented hippy children and their buddies on his latest record “The Visitor.” At least I think it is Young’s latest - he puts out records at the speed I buy cases of beer after all. I like it, but then I like everything he has done except “Landing On Water.” It’s charm, like much of his recent output, is that it is a bit of a fucking shambles. Hope the old boy keeps writing songs as good as these for as long as he is running.

Thanks Sonja. Music from people as old as most of the people who made the three records you got me for Christmas is warm and fuzzy and welcome as new pyjamas.

28 December 2017

Driving A Cadillac In the Snow



I was on the highway. Snow had been falling all day yet the road was clear and wet. Boring! I took an exit and steered towards the little used farm roads which were covered with a combination of ice and snow. First opportunity I had to practice my winter driving skills all year.

The old Cadillac is not exactly a Crazy Canuck in the snow but with good winter tires and several hundred pounds of liquor and drugs in the trunk its limitations nearly disappear. Driving in the snow is exciting because it is the most suspenseful thing we experience around Dope City year to year. You are never fully under control and often very nearly out of control so you never know what will happen from one second to the next.

From the highway I could see nothing but the dirty as fuck mist rising from my fellow drivers’ wheels. From the farm roads the snow reflected the dimming afternoon light from every place it had found purchase. In Mennonite farm house windows sparkled Christmas trees bright as the fires sending smoke up chimneys constructed of the brick from the now closed local refractory.

I arrived home late with the feeling of satisfaction beating something hard to beat gives you. I had felt nothing like it since helping send the fucking Liberals into Opposition back in May.

27 December 2017

Bikes, Drugs, Sex and Politics



Sometimes I write stuff and come up with the headline. Sometimes I come up with the headline and write stuff. Guess which method I am utilizing today, motherfuckers?

One of the reasons why (according to me) the BCNDP lost a few elections in a row is because the party lost, for the most part, what I consider the biker vote. The biker vote, also known as the Steppenwolf vote, is really a much wider swath of the population than those names imply. They are citizens, nearly all working class, who nearly always vote who are concerned with bread and butter issues. i.e. feeding their fucking families.

The party reached an awful lot of those folks in the last election and would still be in Opposition if they had not done so. The party still needs to reach a lot of those very same people in the Interior and elsewhere if it is to increase its share of the vote in coming elections.

The party would have lost all chance of reaching such citizens by not proceeding with Site C.

That is all.


26 December 2017

Christmas At The Sawmill



Christmas at the sawmill
It’s the same every year
No one wants to work a lick
They’d rather be home drinking beer

Christmas at the sawmill
It’s the same every year
We share the same old stories
We all love to hear

Christmas at the sawmill
It’s the same every year
The foreman gets drunk
And calls someone a queer

Christmas at the sawmill
It’s the same every year
Keep up the good work boys
And it won’t be shut down next year

24 December 2017

Christmas In Prison



Had some more Christmas shit to do so I headed out early to get it done. I was the third person into the first store I hit. Spotted something I liked so I phoned Sonja and asked her, “You buy me any slippers for Christmas?”

“Get out of the store now!” She told me. “Every year you try and find out what I got you and every year you fail miserably. The only store I want you in is the liquor store!”

We do not go crazy with the Christmas gifts. If I get a new pair of slippers I am happy.

From that store I dropped off some broken down electronics at Recycling Heaven. Woman who helped me was as friendly as they come. Come to think of it everybody there always is friendly as fuck.

Had to cross town from there so I took a rural road to avoid my fellow last minute types. Road took me by my town’s snow surrounded prison. It was then my empathy for prisoners overtook me. Just about every last one of the poor fuckers in there need not be. Meat in the insatiable meat grinder of
Justice is all they are.

I had been giving some thought to the subject of New Year’s Resolutions so my empathy quickly gave rise to a plan of action for 2018. No one has burned down a prison for a while.


19 December 2017

You Better Run



Reporting from Dope City: This must have been what it was like before The Blitz years ago. Below freezing temperatures are fast approaching. Send the children to Mexico. The rest of you run for your yoga classes!