Anthem

The big companies are milking us dry

Our corporation nation is soon gonna die

And in the capital they're sipping their tea

They care about their paycheques

but not about you and me

Oh Canaduh!

What's wrong with you?

You better wake up

Now what you gonna do?

White wasteland

(Gerry Hannah - The Motherfucking Subhumans)

Distant Places

Hunky Z had got wind I was on a sizzling streak at the racetrack. "Let's go to the races before the roller derby Beer. I want proof in my wallet of your hot streak. If we win I'll buy all the beer you can drink at the roller derby." When Hunky does get out to a day at the races it is usually just to attend to a little business, same reason some people golf. This time Hunky was coming to the races to win money. Hot streaks do not last forever, the pressure was on.

When we arrived I opened up the form on my lap in the grandstand. We had an hour to wait for the first race so I looked over the past performances for the third race being run up in Edmonton. I liked the four. We went downstairs to watch the race on the television. Hunky bet big, people in The Business bet heavy with their bookies, at the track and in the casinos. All part of the magic of Dope City.

The four left the gate at 17-1, led the whole way, winning by several lengths. Hunky wanted to kiss me, the motherfucker. We cashed our tickets, the game was still being kind to me. Hunky said, "I guess I can start buying the beer now."

My streak appeared to go cold until the seventh race. I felt one horse was much better than the rest and its closest competitor, the favourite, was sure to finish no worse than second. We both bet the one to win and boxed the one and favourite in the exactor. We both bet the race heavy. The one took a ton of late dope money, dropping its odds from 5-1 to 3-1, he took an easy lead out of the gate and won unchallenged. The favourite just managed to hang on to second.

We cashed our tickets like we cashed huge tickets every day, grabbed an early meal and some more beer at a Portuguese place just off the Drive and made our way to the roller derby. Before we left the restaurant I asked the owner, "So what happened to your fucking soccer team?" "You support England you motherfucker," he cursed, "so shut up already. Everybody now call your team the Underwear Men." He was referring to Beckham's latest advertising campaign. I had to give the old man a slap on the back for that one. Geezers cannot play soccer for shit but they sure have a sense of humour.

The derby was fantastic. Roller derby is the most entertaining sport on the planet that does not involve horses. It is like figure skating if figure skaters chose teams and skated in circles smashing each other onto their cans with better music in the background.

Hunky is all out for the Bad Reputation's Rollergirl. She is the Gordie Howe of the league. I kind of like Faster Pussycat Andi. I like it when she loses her cool. Last night, when I could take my eyes off Andi, I focused on Rowdy Ruby Roundheel as she made her way around the smooth oval. My mind wandered to distant places.

And I got to see Roxy eat a hot dog, loaded.

Chantal Pilz

A boy ran across the road in front of my car

with his fishing pole

vanishing down the bank to the roadside lake

in the raspberry sunshine

like Osama bin Laden

Steve Earle sang I Remember You and

when Emmylou Harris joined in

I felt sad and happy but mostly sad

it is great to be alive

like Osama bin Laden

In Princeton I bought the Race Day programme

opened it up at a

window table in the Lucky Dragon

ordered the #6 and drank beer

like a roller derby girl

Old couple sat down at a nearby table

the woman could sure talk

the man sat there listening like he had been

listening the last 50 years

that's love, motherfuckers

Two jockeys were hurt, in the gate in the 2nd,

and on the far turn in the 4th

the latter, Chantal Pilz, broke her leg badly

giving the crowd time to drink a few more beer

we were all bombed before the 5th

As the ambulance took the badly injured jockey

away the crowd cheered her

Bravery

then we returned to our gambling

and our beer

Good luck with your recovery Chantal

I Remember You

Gob

There were several children in the park when I took the Hammer for her walk today. School's out. My dog ran and greeted each of them with her infectious tongue. "Hammer!" they shrieked before wiping my dog's gob from their face.

One of the kids told me, "I'll go get Snook! She loves to play with the Hammer!" In a few minutes Snook and the Hammer were gobbing all over each, full tilt boogie. The children rolled in the grass, happy.

It was a peaceful time for all of us. Here comes the summer.

Robbed On the Street

My friend Stan's daughter and a few of her teenage buddies got robbed on the street the other day. They all lost their portable phones and a few other posessions. No one got hurt.

Stan's daughter decribed her robbers as, "A crackhead bitch and her crackhead boyfriend."

I am not in favour of the legalization of all street drugs on some motherfucking whim. Prohibition creates crime, it does not prevent it. Prohibition is anti-social and so are the people who support the the Most Hopeless Cause of All. Fuck 'em.

Influence

the influence of comedians

on my life

lenny bruce

george carlin

cheech

and chong

my kind of motherfuckers

The Whip

Roller derby is like DMT. During a bout and for a few days afterward I feel like Paul McCartney sounds when he sings that song about getting high with everybody. About three days after a roller derby bout the high wears off and all I have is my beer to keep me going. Without the beer I would be like Bo without the Diddley.

Luckily there is always the racetrack. Today I was leaning on the rail waiting for the last race to pound past me. I was $40 down, having only cashed a win ticket on the 4th race. I expected the ten horse to leave the gate quickly and establish herself position near the lead. She left the gate a little slow and established herself near the back of the nine horse field. I followed the horse and her female jockey around the track in my binoculars. The jockey's name was Stephanie. I watched her ass as it followed the horse around the track. I have thing for female jockeys. I think it is the whip.

I wiped the drool from my chin and figured I was going to go home down sixty. Then Stephanie urged her ride along the backstretch, then into the lead as she rode the horse wide around the final turn and into the homestretch where she won with ease. The ten was 17-1.

Thank you Stephanie, for everything.