7 August 2015

On the First Leader's Debate

I watched the leader's debate tonight on my television screen. (Note to non-Canadians - we are a polite lot, in your country leaders may be known by some other, possibly scatological, descriptor.) Like most of my countrymen who could be bothered to tune in I did so with a cold beer within reach at all times. In this my countrymen to the east had the advantage - they all had time to get their shitface on before the show. I only had time for three before I started paying attention.

Jimi phoned soon after all four leaders had got in their opening remarks. He does not usually consult me on matters political. Was today my chance to influence him? At the beginning of an election campaign longer than a whale's reproductive apparatus?

"I wouldn't fuck Elizabeth May with your dick," he told me.

"You get off work early today" I asked him.

"Had to," he answered. "An hour to drink before a leader's debate is not near enough. Would you fuck her?"

I had to think about it.

"I think I would rather fuck Trudeau."

"Nicer hair."

"Nice ass too. Just like his mom's. What about the other two?"

"Would I fuck them?"

I did not have to think about that long. Harper's wife probably does not even fuck him. At least you could count on Mulcair blowing you feeling like a puppy dog's kiss.

All of which is to underscore why Canadian election campaigns should never begin in the middle of summer. Even if we are paying attention, and few of us are, we are in no frame of mind to be choosing fucking Prime Ministers.

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