20 May 2015
The New Jersey of Canada
Often I hear it said that the downtown core of the town I grew up in (and later escaped because it was getting too fucked up even for me) is getting better. It is always people who live there who tell me of the ongoing improvement. I never believe them. On the whole just about everywhere is getting worse, not better. Why would my old buttholeville Sliverville be the exception of this generality?
Still I like to check my theory against someone else's observation when I can. Especially when I can do so within 24 hours of their positive assertion that their city is a little less of a Hell Hole than it used to be.
Had business to do in Sliverville anyway on Friday night so I drove into the heart of my Beastly old home. Straight to the Round-Up Cafe for dinner first of all. Best restaurant in all of Sliverville. Home cooked meals, ice cold beer, pretty waitresses and rock 'n' roll music playing on the house stereo. On this particular Friday they were playing BB King like just about everybody with a rock 'n' roll heart was.
Had to park in back due to rush hour parking restrictions. Knew what I would see when I got back there. World class fuckedupness. Like Dope City's East End but with more elbow room and uglier whores. If I had not grown up in and around the Round-Up I would never have left my Cadillac back there out of my sight for one minute nevermind time enough to have dinner and few beer..
It was quiet inside. Not stacked up with customers like it is for breakfast and lunch. Much to my surprise my old neighbour Little Willy was sitting at a window table watching the fuckedupness go by.
"Bring us a couple beer," I whispered to a waitress and walked over, sat down by one of the few people on this planet I knew could drink me under the table.
Two of us little peckers caught up on shit, drank beer and watched the street action. It was a never ending motherfucking freak show. Just like it was when I was a kid, except worse, because, like I said, that is the trend.
"I hear shit is getting better here," I said trying to keep a straight face.
Little Willy laughed. "Just because shit is even worse in Figtown does not make this shitpit neighbourhood any better than it has been since they closed the Cameo."
Figtown is the Shit Hell capital Canada. They even heard of it in Edmonton. When I told people there I knew my way around Figtown I grew larger in their eyes. Like I knew my way around New Jersey for fuck's sake.
You could say I do. The New Jersey of Canada - Sliverville.