22 April 2015

Cat Shit

Woke up late after our evening at the drive-in. Even the Hammer slept in.

We could have had coffee to start our day like usual but it was already late enough to be beer drinking time.

So we drank.

Sonja on the red.

Beer on the beer.

When I drink it is like going to Heaven every fucking time.

Me and the Lord in the big beer store in the sky.

Then Sonja saw something moving in the bushes out back where civilization ends and the wilderness of Canada (you've seen it on "The Nature of Things") begins.

"There's something moving in the bushes!" she said alarmed.

I put down my beer and looked over to where Sonja was pointing.

There was something there. But what?

After a bit it rolled out of the bushes to where I could see it some. It was a squirrel and it did not look at all well. Then I saw the cat that had fucked up his day.

Slowly the squirrel made his way out of the bushes on to the fucking lawn. In the throes of death he was.

Sonja vomited and I felt like I might too.

Instead I got a shovel and whacked the squirrel into squirrel heaven. The cat was not impressed. I had  killed his entertainment. The cat's expression said it all.

Motherfucking buzzkill.

I did not give the shovel to the cat. I thought about it. Here kitty, kitty. Want to play shovel with me?

Fucking cats.


ib said...

I am wondering if it was a grey squirrel, or a red. Not that it makes a huge amount of difference. Scotland was traditionally home to the reds. The greys have won out. Like some alien abduction conspiracy.

I once saw a squirrel high in its nest dive-bombed by seagulls. Its little fists shook in outrage but to no avail.

Administering the mercy shot weighs heavy on the shoulders. I don't envy you. I severed two sharks heads to put them out their misery. Little bleeders. From a tropical tank. All in all, the knife seemed the more humane option. I could not bear to slowly freeze them to death.

Glad you spared the cat.

Mr. Beer N. Hockey said...

It was a grey. We've greys and blacks in and around the city. A handful were brought into the area about a century ago and they took over much as they did in Scotland where I understand the reds are very nearly done for.

The reds still have the woods here where their enemies are more numerous but who hunt for food not just to be assholes.