DOA Rickshaw 2014

How many of you have seen a musical act over 200 times? Probably none of you. Readers of the Dope City Free Press are a sensible lot after all.

Unlike this fine publication's writer, editor, millwright and bartender.

Friday night - my 213th ticket to see DOA.

DOA? Thought they had retired? Think again motherfuckers.

Same as 35 years ago the evening began the day before at the liquor store. Cannot have a beer (bought from a union shop) in the shower before you go out if you do not go to the liquor store the day before the party starts.

You do not drink beer in the shower? Again, that is very sensible of you. Could slip and fall after all. Try having a beer while you are having a hot bath. Safety first.

Sonja had got off work early and was enjoying a bottle of acclaimed British Columbian red while I was washing the sawdust out of my ears.

"Glad it is the long weekend?" she asked.

No shit. Giving the workers another day off with pay is the only good thing the Liberals have done for my class since they began ruling for the bosses over a decade ago. Re-legalizing happy hour this spring will be the second such good thing they have done. Just like the fucking Canucks, even the fucking Liberals score a goal now and then.

Jimi was sitting on his porch with an open six pack when we got to his place. Some people are right at home sitting in temperatures meant to keep your beer your cold. Jimi is one of those people. If I did not know his parents were religious folk I would not be surprised to learn he was born in a walk in beer cooler.

Jimi has seen DOA around 200 times as well. We like our rock loud, proud and Anarchist.

He had a slightly more crazy than usual look in his eye as he walked toward the car and got in. "You want some mushrooms?" he asked as he pulled a bag half full of dried hallucinogenic caps from his black leather jacket.

We dug in. Cannot fly with one wing, motherfuckers.

The mushrooms were beginning to do their pupil dilating work when we got to Hunky Z and Kitty's place. Hunky was disappointed to learn we had already taken some mushrooms and had lots more to top up our high when the first dose began to wear off sometime before midnight.

"But they're aminitas!" he protested as he shaked his own carefully picked bag.

"We just want to get high - not be the first Canadians to walk on Mars," Jimi explained unconvincingly. We have all been to Mars many times. It is overrated.

After a couple drinks we were on our way to the East End. Parked in front of the Rickshaw. $3 for the evening - cannot do that downtown.

On our way to our favourite pre-rockshow East End restaurant we were both asked for money and offered drugs. We should have been the ones selling the drugs. Do mushrooms go good with heroin? In the East End I am pretty sure everything goes good with heroin. Everything but living.

Aging Youth Gang footed the bill. I have seen them often over the years too. Played the Strangler's "No More Heroes." Do not hear that piece of Guildford sentimentality for revolutionary good times on the radio very fucking often.

We drank our beer. Tall Tecates and stubby Canadian ales.

Jenny, big motherfucking Albertans, were next. Joe from DOA signed them a year or more back. I had assumed the band members all had tits. Couple of them did. Big hairy ones. Tight band of three guitars, bass and drum. Once in a while one of the hairy tittied guitar players tinkled on a keyboard. Found myself down front giving them a fair listen. Great rhythm section - sharper than Rob Ford and Justin Bieber's critics combined. I liked them - they played David Bowie's "Suffragette City" - never heard that live before - but not enough to buy their record. We are a tough crowd to please this side of the Rockies.

Ask the Canucks.

Ford Pier's Vengeance sang their Difficult Listening Hour set of songs before DOA, a band that will only ever be stopped with an elephant gun, took the stage. Ford is a funny guy. If he had been born in Victoria he would have been in No Means No. I wish I had the energy he possesses. (We are nearabouts the same age.) I would have to do speed to even get close to his teenage moves. Besides his quirky originals his band played Stiff Little Fingers' "Alternative Ulster." Nice.

Everybody in the old kung-fu movie palace was getting pissed as Albertan's at a mid-summer pro oil spill wiener roast country western jamboree. Mexican beer never fails me that is for fucking sure. That and the second dose of mushrooms had me feeling like maybe I was still in my '30s or something.

DOA took the stage and everybody began their Romper Room punk rock dancing. Good to be in a fucked up crowd, somewhat light on numbers because some people do not like DOA saying they are done but never being done, so ecstatic. Band was loud as ever. Joe doing his rock star guitar moves even though we was in a walking boot.

It was all good until somebody more fucked up than us and twice as big ran over Kitty. Planted her face into the dance floor pretty hard. When she came up a beer can was lodged into the side of her face tighter than a wad of chewing gum on the frozen Hastings sidewalk.

I am the first aid guy so it was up me to rip it from Kitty's face. If the band was not so loud her screams would have woke up quite a few neighbours in a neighbourhood that does wake up for that sort of thing too much.

We bailed after that. But not before Sonja told me, "You and Jimi wait until that asshole leaves and mess him up out in the street worse than Kitty."

Hunky Z and Sonja took Kitty to the hospital for a few stitches. If they heal well she will not need plastic surgery. Missed the last half of the show. Hope that was not the last time I saw DOA.

Jimi and I hung out by the bar at the back of the hall and waited for the big drunk cunt who smashed Kitty down to leave the show. We followed him and his buddies from a discreet distance until the big fucking man who hurt my sister split off from them. Shitkicked the booze-fucked defenseless motherfucker up pretty bad. We were born in Sliverville after all. Nobody fucks with our crew. Told him why but I doubt he will remember.

East End justice. Sometimes it is the only answer for assholes like that.