6 February 2014

Skytrain Black 'n' Blue Blues

My mom got stuck in our clusterfuck of a transit system when a stretch of the computer managed electrified mainline flatlined Wednesday afternoon.

"Motherfucking trains die if it is too hot, too cold or it snows. If the asshole government that built the fucking thing had tunneled it underground it would work perfect," my mom, who knows an asshole government when she sees one, told me on the phone.

"That was Bill Bennett, Grace McCarthy and the rest of those old Social Credit cocksuckers who were too fucking cheap to pay union rock and tunnel guys to do the job right," I agreed.

"Well the cheap motherfuckers should have been standing out in the cold freezing their asses off with the rest us today, which of course they weren't. Assholes never rode public transit unless they knew they would get on the front page for doing so.

"Once I got on a bus it was ok. People will still get up and let an old dearie with a cane sit down if you look them in the eye like you'll eat their balls for breakfast if they don't."

I asked her about the line-ups to get on buses and trains at the stations that were still online that I had seen on television.

"It was like the Stanley Cup Riot all over again without the cop cars getting lit on fire. Fist fights everywhere, everybody calling everybody else motherfuckers, cocksuckers and shitfuckers. People around here all hate each other. Soon as shit goes wrong it is like Lord of the Fucking Flies. One of these days something real bad is going to happen, the sort of thing that causes people to come together in other places, and it is going to look like Nagasaki around here."

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