29 March 2013
Fear and Loathing in British Columbia - Campaign 2013 (Part One)
I have been round all seven of the campaign offices now set up to headquarter their candidate's vote attracting efforts. I am now a member of three political parties and a supporter of one hopeless as a hunter on the moon independent. All the campaigns have agreed to start me out phoning potential voters on the phone.
That is what they do with people who do not know what the fuck they are doing. What they do not know is I do. "Hi, I'm Beer. I'm calling on behalf Fearless Leader X and Fearless Local Candidate Y. As you know Fearless Leader X has promised if elected he will both ensure the Canucks win the Stanley Cup and lower the price of beer. Can we count on your vote on May 14th?"
If you have not already heard a click when you are that far into your script chances are you are talking to someone leaning your candidate's way or already supporting him. Some people will talk your ear off about all kinds of crazy shit. One time, many years ago, an old dear told me she blew WAC Bennett in their school's woodshed before the old boy had ever dreamed of coming to BC.
After my various watchers have figured out I can talk to people I do not know and do not give a fuck about as long as they vote the right way I will be sent outdoors foot canvassing. You will recognize me by the I need a fucking beer look in my eye.
I have already met four of the seven candidates I am working for. If you want to talk to your local candidate the time to do it is now. Before the writ is dropped a couple of weeks hence. Just drop in. If you want to make sure you are favourably received bring some money or tell them you would like to volunteer as soon as you can. My first impressions? The Liberals are still in a state of total denial. They are acting like Ernst Zundel in a Holocaust Memorial. The Conservatives are like Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid: ready and willing to fight to certain death; the NDP are like Prince Charles waiting for our Queen to croak, ready to assume the power and the glory. The independent appears to be looking forward to the May long weekend.