4 May 2012

Nevermind the Bollocks, Here's the 138th Kentucky Derby



Kentucky Derby time again. Are not more than a few of the readers of this here Free Press who follow horse racing. I can tell by how little feedback there is to the horse racing stories I have written here over the years. Too fucking bad - here is another one.

The Kentucky Derby is just another horse race for three year olds. That is the way I look at it. The only real difference between it and any other horse race a handicapper such as myself is faced with every time they open the Form are the twenty horses that leave the starting gate. That is half a dozen more than the biggest fields that race on North American tracks generally speaking.

As such the Kentucky Derby is probably the best race to bet more than one horse to win. This year's favourite will likely go to post no lower than 3-1 so you might want to bet him and two others you fancy. Do the math, motherfuckers. If the favourite wins you might make a small profit; if one of your other selections comes in you will make a large one.

I never bet more than one horse in a field. In this Kentucky Derby I will be betting on Daddy Long Legs. I can see him getting away with the first six or seven horses and running past everybody down the stretch. This alone will make me a lot of fucking money. If the four horses I expect to run behind Daddy do so I will have made a life changing bet. Those four horses are none of your fucking business.

There is good honest racing in town on Derby Weekend as well. Friday nights at the Standardbred track in fast changing Loverdale are always fun. The racino is very popular with groups who all know there is no better place to get together with your friends, fellow workers or community group to have the best Friday night you can have in Dope City fall through mid-spring. Or you can just sit there and get bombed by yourself. On Saturday they will have standardbred racing a couple hours after the Kentucky Derby has been put to fucking bed. Multiply your Derby winnings or try and change your luck on Saturday night in the shit kicking capital of Sliverville.

Dope City Downs, the racing jewel of western Canada, while early in its season, have good races carded, Unquiet, an early favourite of mine this year is running Saturday in a 3 year old stakes named after a dead hero of mine, the fucking Canucks are not playing, there is a likelihood of sunshine - what more could you want except maybe a couple dozen roller girls skating around trying to distract you from the horses and your beer with their colourful uniforms, sex and violence.

5 comments:

JustFrankie said...

The number one reason why I visit Dope City is for your horse racing stories. Now,one of the rules I live by when it comes to the horses is never bet the favorite if the horse's odds are 5/2 or higher. Lukewarm favorites suck. I'm going to handicap the race tonight so I'll tell you who's going to win along with the winning exacta in this thread tomorrow before the race. Good luck motherfucker!

Mr. Beer N. Hockey said...

One of the rules I live by when it comes to the horses is to never say never. Glad you like the horse stories. Hope I do not have to write another one where I do not pick the Kentucky Derby winner again.

JustFrankie said...

Lot's of pace to run at in this one. Not sure if Daddy Long Legs can run on the dirt. So far the track is playing without any clear bias.
So, here it is.
1st Dullahan
2nd Union Rags
3rd Bodemeister
4th Creative Cause
$20 Win on Dullahan
$5 Exacta box Union Rags and Dullahan and then I'm keying those two with Bodemeister Creative Cause and I'll Have Another
Total investment $60
I hope you make Sonja happy after you shove your winnings in her purse.
Say hello to the Hammer for me

befastpast said...

I do read the horse sh-stories. Like with Bukowski, they say something about us two legged critters. And this year's Derby was on the local media radar because of the jockey Mario G. Always like listening to Tommy Wolski say "hosses". And I'll Have Another with MG seems to have done it. A vicarious feel good story. But I had no money on anything so it doesn't matter.

Mr. Beer N. Hockey said...

There was a lot of Dope City money riding on the Derby winner due, in large part, to its locally popular rider. The dreamy look in Mario's eye when it was mentioned he would be riding to try and capture the second leg of the Triple Crown in Baltimore was worth tuning into the television broadcast all by its self.