My Little Town

For the first several years I lived in Steepleton the local newspapers ran a full front page of anti-abortion propaganda whenever the local Christian loons had one of their anti-abortion festivals. At these times the aforementioned loons would press gang their children into the streets where they would wave placards and wave like overfed zombies at passing cars.

It was like living in motherfucking Pakistan.

It has been quite a while, thankfully, since the loons that once had a stranglehold on this town could pressure the local press into being their platform of hate and backwardness. People, even most of the Christian loons, prefer a social approach a tad more moderate than the Taliban's nowadays.

There is, however, still a loudmouth Steepleton minority that still think they can prevent the modern world from crossing our invisible borders. They are presently readying a place in Hell for everybody who wants gambling, Lingerie Football, satanic rock shows, and the dreaded Sex Expo to happen or expand their sphere of ungodly influence.

Judging by the less than enthusiastic response of my little town to our AHL hockey team, now headed up by Ryan Walter, a Christian loon himself if I am not mistaken, the ear-splittingly vocal minority are not even willing to support professional hockey. I think it has something to do with the team's name, the Heat, and its parent club, the Flames, both of whom are surely associated with the Devil to name themselves so Hellishly.

They are a fearful lot, our loons are. They fear such permissive incursions, into what they still think of as their town, will one day result in the cabarets they pushed out of town years ago re-opening and Satan himself one day trotting into town on cloven hoof ahead a trail pot smoke and Hell Fire to cut the ribbon at the grand opening of a strip club, something they have triumphantly prevented from ever entertaining the menfolk of this town.