27 March 2012
Dope City Free Press Political Desk
I live way the fuck out here with John Van Dongen. He could be my MLA for all I know. I get him mixed up with the other Van Ding-Dong MLA we have re-elected just about as often as the Conservatives have got re-elected in the dumb as stone province to the right of us on the map. The pair of them make sure we get as much lolly as we can out of the provincial treasury for roads so we we can get to the motherfucking Wal-Mart without blowing a tire or two every month.
Van Dongen, as everybody who lives in my once heavily treed province knows, jumped from one conservative political ship to another yesterday. He was much interviewed about the jump, his dirty rat whiskers twitching a mile a minute. Why did he jump ship? It is pretty simple really. Way the fuck out here where we grow berries for the world and chocolate milk for your table we like to think we walk in Jesus' boots. We like to think that deep down beneath the heavy crust of Satanic sins that keep our soul in place that we are do-gooders. That is all Van Dongen has done - he done good.
My province's fucking Communists, the New Democratic Party, while outwardly gleeful at Van Dongen's ship jump, are secretly aghast. There are two reasons for their aghastness.
Firstly, you never see New Democrats jump ship to another party. It is a political shortcoming they embrace the way a man who does not like women backtalking him embraces a plastic gape-mouthed sex doll. The New Democrats would rather be gassed, as they were when, inexplicably, they elected Dosanjh to lead them to their political deaths over a decade ago. In my mind, it is good politics to change brands, when necessary, to prevent such annihilations.
If I lived in China I would be jailed for expressing such an opinion. That is not really true: I would have been shot in the head years ago.
Secondly, there is still time for the conservative party Van Dongen jumped to to pull in fucking near all the supporters of the now totally discredited conservative party he just jumped from. That would mean yet another political defeat for the NDP and, worse, it would mean we would be stuck with being governed by people I would describe as motherfucking Alberta conservative.
Few people screw themselves as hard or as often as the people of B.C. do. Let's see what happens now.