20 November 2011

Red Green's Ass


Yesterday morning Sonja and I went our separate ways for the day. Too much to do, too little time.

Brought the dog with me. Nice that it is cold enough for her to tag along on my errands. Had to go to several stores. You would think, given the bloated blue whale size of the many Shopper Heavens that dominate the Dope City shopping scene, you could buy everything possible that is smaller than a big bag of dog food in one store. Not yet. One day, when 1,000,000 square foot Shopper Heavens come our way, we will be able to do so. That's progress, motherfuckers.

That done I took the Hammer to the Cherrydale River for a long run. As we rolled into the parking lot we saw the RCMP looking at someone's car that had its window smashed out. Cop was telling the car's owner that they could look for fingerprints and shit but hey this is not fucking television lady and I mean really there is a new female recruit that I want to fuck on the back seat of my cruiser like the Canucks want to win the Stanley Cup so how about I just make a file and your insurance company will fix you up, eh?

It was a beautiful morning. Been cold enough for the snow not exposed to the sun the last few days to still be there for my boots to grind it up with the frozen fallen leaves. My dog and I love days like this. Winter, like Neil Young once sang, is the best time of them all.

The Hammer poked at the many dead salmon on the river bank and in the shallow water. Good thing she does not eat or roll in the stinky fuckers any more I thought as I watched the many birds and a couple fishermen downstream enjoy the day every bit as much as we were.

That was when I saw the Hammer rolling in something on the bank. Something a little high up the bank to be a salmon carcass. When she came running back to me my fears were confirmed by my nose. She had been rolling in some not yet frozen fisherman's beer shit.

Fuck.

Even after she had been for a good swim in the slow running water of the fucking near pristine Canadian wilderness and I could not see shit on her any more she still smelled like Red Green's ass. My car windows would have to be rolled down and my toque pulled down over my ears until we reached home.

Good thing I can cook and do dishes. That was what I was doing while Sonja bathed the Hammer at home. She still smells a little shitty this morning, just like I feel, after getting my hands dirty in the local election.

2 comments:

Reality Chick said...

You're a riot! Thanks for including me on your list of fellow motherfuckers. :))
Patti
Owner of TNT - Truth ... not tasers

Mr. Beer N. Hockey said...

Pleasure is mine Patti. People like you, who give me hope, are what get me out of bed and down to the sawmill every day.