15 November 2010

My Dog Started Bugging Me Early in the Second Half

I was enjoying the football game televised live from Up Your Ass Saskatchewan. Everything was going just as Sunday in November should. The Lions were winning and I was starting to get loaded. That was when the Hammer started bugging me. She wanted to go out and do some running in the cold. She needed a hike and she knew I needed one too. Too bad dogs do not appreciate drinking beer and watching Canadian football. Could be she is an NFL dog. She will never find out because I do not watch that American shit.

Off we went, not to the mountains, only to the river. We had about an hour of light left when we headed out into the light drizzle. The path was slippery as ice in some sections when we got there. Even the Hammer's claws slipped underneath her big body. I felt like one of those drunk guys you see at the public skate at an arena around Christmas.

It was one of those days when my senses seemed real sharp. The light of the train shone like fire on the grey river. The sound of the beaver swimming, then diving, in the same grey murk. The porchlight of the Indian house on the faraway mountain bright as my television screen. The coolness of my flask in my hand. The smell of the mushrooms in the long, slick grass.

I stopped to pick a few. They will help sharpen my senses come New Year's Eve. It is the time of the year those of us who worship inebriation start squirreling away our winter delights. The dog searched hopelessly for shit to eat. Are not any homeless by the river to shit for her. Her only shit source there is what a fisherman caught short might leave behind.

My dog was sure happy to get out. She lets me know like she lets me know about all things. Makes me happy to have a dog happy as her.

We got back to the car just in time to listen to the second overtime period on the radio. The green motherfuckers are headed to Motherfucking, Alberta with the win.

When we got home I had a couple more beer before Sonja served me up dinner in time to watch the news. Diane Watts wants no part of the fucking losers that comprise the governing Liberal Party. The cunt has class. Another burned up body turned up in the bushes. Gang shit. Probably the Hindoos. They are big on body burning. Snow is coming. That was the only good news of the day.


istvan said...

Nice dog story.When I went to school on the the bigest island in the fraser delta,we had like 3 chinese kids[we liked them]we had 3[hindoos],good kids,[we liked them].These people live next to us .I don't think you should use the word cunt,my girl dos'nt like it and i'm shure yours dos'nt .

istvan said...

My dads chinky chinky chinaman jokes would not make the grade.He's80 and would not ever admit to have ever told me .

istvan said...

of course Beer we can't waist those purpol stemed ones.

Mr. Beer N. Hockey said...

One of the things I try and do here is reflect the language, the spoken word, in politically incorrect Canadian society. I have yet to ever, for instance, hear people from the Punjab referred to as anything but Hindoos by white people in my sawmill environment unless they have reason to be politically correct in which case they are not referred as anything but 'them', 'those fuckers' or something like that.

I never hear the term chink. Guess that is old school. However, the good people of the Punjab refer to people from China invariably as 'Chinamen.'

Don't even get me started on what what words I hear used for my country's Indian people. There are damn few of them who work in the manufacturing side of my industry so they are pretty much fair game.

The Dope City Free Press is an exercize in free speech, as should be obvious to all. Therefore the word cunt does come up now and again. I use it less than the other words some people, like my grandma if she were alive, probably prefer I not use. I hear the word often. It is nearly always preceded by an adjective. The most popular of those adjectives is the word 'fat.' This tells us something about ourselves. I am not sure what, but it tells us something.

When not accompanied by an adjective the word cunt is usually used in this brief sentence, "That cunt Campbell."

theo said...

"That cunt Campbell."

No, no, Beer. Your brilliant editorial command of the succinct and to the point phrase is wrong. Its brevity allows for one’s blood pressure to rise too quickly and stay.

I find the phrase, “That shit eating, corporate ass-kissing, treasonous, corrupt waste of oxygen Campbell.” to be a much better turn of words as it allows the blood pressure to fall back to safe levels due to the amount of energy required to speak or type it.

Yours for a healthy Campbell-free BC.

ps. You’re a good dog guy.
pps. loved the race track dream.

Mr. Beer N. Hockey said...

I agree with you Theo. I am far to fucking polite. One of these days I am going to have to kick out the jams.