I went back to the rink tonight to see if people were still lined up to see the Russian speedskating team get in their last work outs before we see them on our big screens. There was only a little line-up so I parked the car and stood outside the rink with the other white people waiting to get in. We have lots of people who are not white in Steepleton but the only winter sport they care about is the fucking Canucks.
Much to my surprise I knew one of the people just ahead of me in the line. It was the gay enough to be on American Idol waiter from the Wet Spot. The boy on his arm was cute enough to pop the lid off Michael Jackson's coffin. "Damn," I thought to myself, "I thought the only winter sport gay people were interested in was figure skating."
We did not have to wait long before we were ushered inside to have a look. There, down on the Steepleton ice, were Russian figure skaters. I am going to have to start reading the local newspaper more carefully. Then I did some more thinking to myself. Maybe I am gay. Maybe going to a figure skating practice was a Freudian slip up.
That was when I saw one of the female Russians doing some stretching along the boards. Her legs were spread so far apart I forgot all about figure skating and how much I hate the Russians and started stretching my stretchy imagination. Now I had Olympic Fever. I have to go get me some mittens!
Russians, for the record, look a lot like Canadians: pale and in need of a stiff drink.
3 comments:
Beer,
Speaking of Freud. I'm betting you only hate the Russians because any 10 year old Russian kid can outdrink a 275lb Canuck any day of the week. Who can hate people who, when they invade a foreign country, have been known to sell their tanks for enough booze to last them until they zip across the nearest convenient border.
Russians just might be head of the class when it comes knocking back the hard stuff. I have never drank with Russians before. The only Russians I have known are Grand Forks Russians. Their mayor, Brian Taylor, ought to tell you all you need to know about those Russians: booze is not their primary form mood altering drug.
I have drank with Poles and Serbs however. They like it when I vomit down the side of their car when it is all over. If you cannot drink with them it is important to them that you at least make an effort.
Is that TDM rockin' real good while carrying that torch?
Oh, wait....For a second there I forgot that all our shills for the Ghost of Leni have to wear stupid toques.
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