24 April 2009

Deer Hunting With Andi

I have just begun reading Joe Bageant's "Deer Hunting With Jesus." Book is about every Canadian's favourite subject besides hockey and roller derby: Motherfucking Apple Pie Americans. I love the book's opening line. "Faced with working-class life in towns such as Winchester, I see only one solution: beer." I read so that I might learn profound truths such as that. It does not happen often enough.

Kyle lent me the book. Kyle reads a lot since he laid off the beer. I guess some people can only take so much of the beer solution. Kyle was still on the high first time roller derby spectators get when he handed me the book. "I loved it. Stacy loved it. The fucking kids loved it. How can't you love watching twenty young women on roller skates smashing into one another like it's a human demolition derby?"

"If you make it to the derby May 9th you'll get to see Andi." I said.

"Who the fuck's Andy?" Kyle asked.

"She's one of the jammers for the Pussycats."

"Is she hotter than Roxy?"

"She's hotter than ten Roxies."

"Maybe I'll just come to the next show with you and Hunky."

"Pretty soon we're going to have enough of us old motherfuckers at the derby to create a dirty old man's row."


Jon said...

My experience with places like Boron, California or Oolitic, Indiana is that there isn't much on offer besides cheap, bad beer and cheap, bad Jesus. They do not have roller derby.

By the way, sorry about the over long and manic response to your Quarterly Report. It was Saturday morning, I was awake and full of coffee. It seemed right.

I think you are a really good writer. One of the few who has pulled off personal blogging without being a self indulgent bore. You deserve more readers, but where you're going to find them I do not know. I got my nephew to read you once.

Laila said...

Yes Beer, I agree with Jon - you ARE a great writer.

By the way, I saw an ad for volunteers for the Terminal City Rollergirls, and I checked out the website. Now I want to be a rollergirl because, holy cow, it looks like sooo much fun. And I'm tall and strong, I think I'd be great at it.

One problem though. I can't rollerskate!!! Any teachers out there?

Mr. Beer N. Hockey said...

What the world needs now is more Surrey girls on four wheels. I hear the best place to learn to roller skate is in a parking lot near an Emergency Room.

I sure appreciate the appreciation from the both of you. Sonja said, "Women seem to especially like what you write about her and the words you put in her mouth."

"I think that's because I use a literary technique I learned from Paul St. Pierre," I explained. "He taught me to think about not describing characters. Or if you do describe a character, keep it light. Let the reader work on that. And on a deeper level I think it passes along a message that what people look like does not fucking matter."

Sonja knows me better than to go for that bullshit. "Yeah right. You just don't want everybody to think you are a freak for partnering up with a dead ringer for Anne Murray."

"And until somebody starts producing a rubber doll that looks like Anne," I told her. "I'm yours forever."

Laila said...

I guess I'll have to wait until Campbell builds a hospital with a bigger parking lot.. seriously,I feel like a geek not knowing how to rollerblade. Growing up in PG in the bush with gravel roads wasn't exactly rollerskating country. And the rollerdome was out of the question - dad said he" sure as hell wasn't gonna pay for us to skate in circles for two freaking hours!"

I think I'm going to try and learn this summer.New and dangerous ground for me.

Sonja is a very smart woman.