9 April 2007

The Korean Swedish Pink Eraser Axis

Sonja and I spent Easter Sunday with her dad. It was not that bad.

We began the day at IKEA. Sonja's dad had never been in the place. Upon entering the big Swedish barn we found ourselves in the middle of an Easter Egg Hunt made up of 99% Korean kids wearing bunny ears. It was fucking strange being surrounded by all these people speaking and acting Korean in a Swedish furniture outlet.

Sonja's dad said, "Did someone invade and the government not tell us about it."

Sonja said, "The government told you but you were not paying attention."

I said, "How could I forget my pills at home on Easter Sunday?"

Sonja's dad reached into his pocket and said, "Here have some of mine." I grabbed a couple pink ones before Sonja could say, "You don't even know what those are!"

They were the good ones. The real good ones.

Sonja's dad continued, "You mean the neighbourhood where my old friend Jack and I used to walk from to go skinny-dipping in the Red Head river has been taken over by Koreans? My God! Those people are all spies for their government just like the Chinese. That's why people elected that asshole Harper. They figure the spies are outnumbering the Real Canadians."

Sonja's dad is pretty much deaf without his hearing aid, which he left at home, and talks real loud as a result. Several Communist spies were eyeing us suspiciously.

We should not have been surprized to find ourselves in Korea. IKEA is right in the middle of Dope City's biggest Korean neighbourhood, known as K-Town. It is also just around the corner from the French Quarter pub. Canada is a country where everything is even more temporary than most places. Frenchmen used to labour at the nearby sawmill which has been quiet as the Denman Arena for some time.

Luckily I brought my flask of Arran's to go along with the pink pills.

None of the three of us needed much from the store that thinks it is funny but it took us two hours to hike through the joint just the same. Their Swedish coffee is fucking excellent - especially when fortified with a drop of whisky.

From IKEA we went to a favourite restaurant of ours in Fort Royal. There were other families there with their silver-haired old dearies. A couple of them shone their dentures in Sonja's dad's general direction as we ordered up a couple pitchers of Strongbow.

"The blue hair ladies sure like the looks of you," I told Sonja's dad. He made a face at one of the old dearies and said, "Too bad all the pills I take have taken all the lead out of my pencil. All I have left is the pink eraser. My doctor says he would prescribe some blue pills so I could make a few old ladies happy but they would probably kill me."

Sonja said, "Dad, that's enough talk about your pink eraser thanks."

"You wouldn't be in this world without my pink eraser and your mom's..." chuckled Sonja's dad before Sonja cut him off by yelling across the restaurant, "Make that three pitchers of Strongbow please!" and cursing, "Why can't you two assholes talk about hockey and Britney Spear's pink eraser like other men?"

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