DOGTV

One of the many advantages of being a dog owner is you get to see things the rest of the world misses. Having a dog is like having your own tv channel that shits in your back yard instead of into your brain. When I am in the woods I like to let my dog lead me where ever their curious nose leads them. I always thought they would lead me to one of the many nameless bodies that lay beneath piles of leaves around here. No such luck. They have led me to a couple decent pot stashes however.

The other day I thought I was on an unnamed road that leads to the head of a mountain trail I like to hike every year or two. Turns out I was on the wrong road. It is not as if I consult maps often, I am a man, I know where the fuck I am going.

Anyhow, I am bumping along the road, the Hammer farting in the backseat, when we round a corner and see a shiny new Jap car parked. Inside the car two people are fucking like the dickens. People sure do like to fuck fast. They were on the front passenger side. The guy's spotted ass was going up and down in the warm sun like the elevator at the IKEA.

The Hammer looked at the guy's ass out the rear window of my car as we splattered pass in the mud and thought, "Hey! That looks like Sonja and Beer when they make me lie on my blanket when Beer is not too loaded."

Once I figured out I was on the wrong road I turned the car around and headed back for another look at the two logging road fuckers. They had just finished as we approached. The guy and the girl looked happy as Canuck season ticket holders.

You do not see people fucking all that much, besides on tv. Humans are shy about our fucks. We fuck all over the place: in the bushes, at the drive-in, at work, we fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Fuck. Fuck we fuck. We should not even be called Human. We should be called Fuckers.

Feel free to fuck at the side of the road. I do not mind a bit. Just do not throw your condoms out your window when you are done. My dog eats them. And then she kisses me all over my face.

I try not to think about it.

But I think about it.

Then I have to have a beer.

Or two.