Emergency Beer

It took two hours but I have made it home through the worst stormy commute I have ever experienced that did not involve snow. I got off the highway just as soon as I could but found my safe passage blocked by trees uprooted in the tremendous wind and rain storm still testing the strength of my storm windows.

My last chance to get through one part of town without having to double back into the heart of the traffic jam ups was a little used back road. I half expected trees to be downed across it, and several were, but only half way across. As I drove I kept one eye on the road as the other one searched the sky for flying widowmakers. Eventually I came across a douglas fir about a foot and a half in diameter blocking my way. Motherfucking trees! And so close to where I expected to find clear sailing the rest of the way home.

I did just what you would expect me to do: reach behind the seat for an emergency beer. I brought along lots due to the storm being much anticipated by the weather folks. Do not ask me why I did not bring along my chain saw. Pretty soon some more people pulled up to the now dead tree. Luckily one of those guys had a chainsaw. Canadians get in one fuck of a good mood when they are in the middle of a storm so I offered everybody a beer to drink while we helped the guy with the chain saw clear the tree out of the way.

One of the people, who looked like he might be an off-duty cop, asked me, "You always carry that much beer around with you?"

"Not usually that much," I lied, "But today I wanted to be prepared for an emergency." That seemed good enough for him so I gave him another fucking beer. Cops are under a lot of stress these days; they need all the beer they can get.

Pretty soon the tree was just the top of a tree on the one side of the road and a long stump on the other. Everybody guzzled what remained of their beer and we were on our way. It was blackness the rest of the way home. The only light in the blackness came from window candles.

But the power was on at my place otherwise I would have had to use my old typewriter to belt this out.