15 July 2006

The Great Recycler

Sonja went through our cupboards the other night and put my collection of old bottles of prescription medicine in a bag for me to sort out. She said, "You can drop off the out of date pills at the pharmacy." That is what the government advises us old pill poppers to do with our old pills. Theory is oceanic life does not care for our pills to be flushed down the toilet like has been going on, and will continue to go on, for decades.

If everybody in the world stopped flushing their legal medications down the drain that would leave thousands of clandestine drug labs, who dump their waste into our dark rivers, as the only thing keeping oceanic life from jonesing.

Anyhow, I am not one for doing what the government thinks is best. The motherfuckers are always wrong. What I did was take all my old prescriptions and make quite a few piles containing a pill from each of the many different drugs. There's eleven pills per pile.

I just swallowed the first pile. It takes about 30 times the recommended dose of anything to overdose so I ought to be ok. If the pile of pills does not derange me too much I will toss some beer on top of the mixture just as soon as the pub opens up this morning.

In a way I am doing what the government wants me to do. I am recycling.

If you do not hear from me for a while I have been hospitalized. That is the great thing about Canada - you can take a big pile of pills, maximize your chances of getting wasted, overdose, and then have your fellow citizens pick up the tab for your recovery. Much like what happens after every election.

And you get free drugs in the hospital - the ones the nurses give you and the ones your fellow patients throw on the floor when the nurses are not looking.

Too bad the quality of hospital food has been further downgraded from vile to crap.

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