18 October 2016

Neighbour Cat Blues

I think Sonja is having a relationship with the neighbour cats. Today I asked her, "Do you let the fucking neighbour cats in the house to visit?"

"No! I would never let them in the house," Sonja assured me.

"You must feed them though," I further inquired.

"No, I don't. And since when did you turn fascist and become the anti-cat police?" Sonja asked of me.

Sonja is soft on animals. They probably have their own secret entrance to their own secret cat cafe I do not know about.

Just then one of the neighbour cats came on to our front grass. I knocked on the window and it freezed in its tracks. Sonja came to the window too.

"Ahh. Lookee there. It's Mr. Buttons," Sonja observed.

They looked at each other for a spell before Mr. Button, or whatever the fuck his name is, disappeared around the side of the house.

A minute later there was Mr. Button at the black door waiting to be let in like he had been let in a thousand times before. When I answered his pleas to be let in out of the rain he took off again faster than a head saw squares a pecker pole. Mr. Buttons does not see eye to eye with me like he does with Sonja.

"I think we better get some cat litter," I told Sonja.

"I don't let them in the house!" Sonja said repeating herself.

Bullshit she doesn't.

Fucking cats.

I better get another dog soon or I will be up to my armpits in them.


karen said...

I have 3 cats. Plus we are taking care of the offspring's cat while she gets established in Lower Lotusland. The oldest cat was raised by our now-departed big dogs. He also hates cats. Goes around grumbling about all the fucking cats in the house, and swatting them when they get too close. I'd like to have a dog, but we're away quite a bit. We are conflicted: beloved thinks he wants a smaller dog. I want a heeler/husky-sized dog. (I will win)

Mr. Beer N. Hockey said...

I have been waiting on another dog for quite a while and it will be a bit yet before another one follows in the footsteps of Strangler, Ranger and The Hammer. The neighbour cats will make it their priority to let the new dog who is the sharp clawed boss.

Ray Blessin said...

I have been trying to compose a comment about how much I fucking hate cats, but I have become apoplectic and cannot put together a rational thought. My daughter had a cat and I knew that if the fucking thing weighed 90 lbs. it would slaughter everyone in the house!
If you think your cat likes you . . . . think again . . . .

Mr. Beer N. Hockey said...

Perhaps my favourite book about an animal is William Burroughs' "The Cat Inside". A more favourable cat review you will never read. Nor one more unfavourable to dogs. He was wrong on both counts but compelling in his arguments. Donald Trump could have learned something about debating from Old Bill.