31 August 2016
Third Axe From the Sun
I have owned three axes in my life. The first two were bought at the Army & Navy Department Store in Fort Royal. Downstairs where the Army & Navy keeps its man shit. Where the hot dog stand used to be when I was a boy and young man. They were made in Sweden. Fucking great axes they were with wood handles durable in the hands of an axeman like myself who does not miss his mark often. Working with an axe for a living can make just about anybody a bit of a Buzz Martin. They each lasted about 20 years.
The second Swede, having put in its two decades of work, needed replacing at last and it is a long fucking drive to Fort Royal from Steepleton along a highway more fucked up than the combined membership of the Dope City Canucks' fan club on a good day so I drove to the new Cabela's to buy one. Their wood handled axes looked like shit, not a Swede among them, so I bought a plastic handled one.
I felt like an asshole for not buying a wood product as I often do. But fuck it - it has been a long while since I packed home my groceries in paper bags too.
I have named my new axe Bryan Adams because it cuts like a knife, motherfuckers.