31 August 2016

Third Axe From the Sun

I have owned three axes in my life. The first two were bought at the Army & Navy Department Store in Fort Royal. Downstairs where the Army & Navy keeps its man shit. Where the hot dog stand used to be when I was a boy and young man. They were made in Sweden. Fucking great axes they were with wood handles durable in the hands of an axeman like myself who does not miss his mark often. Working with an axe for a living can make just about anybody a bit of a Buzz Martin. They each lasted about 20 years.

The second Swede, having put in its two decades of work, needed replacing at last and it is a long fucking drive to Fort Royal from Steepleton along a highway more fucked up than the combined membership of the Dope City Canucks' fan club on a good day so I drove to the new Cabela's to buy one. Their wood handled axes looked like shit, not a Swede among them, so I bought a plastic handled one.

I felt like an asshole for not buying a wood product as I often do. But fuck it - it has been a long while since I packed home my groceries in paper bags too.

I have named my new axe Bryan Adams because it cuts like a knife, motherfuckers.


Bill said...

Thanks for this Beer.

Top notch!

Mr. Beer N. Hockey said...

A man cannot have enough axes and chainsaws.

Ray Blessin said...

You sound like my kinda guy Beer . . . . . who's Bryan Adams?

Unknown said...

Time to get dry firewood into the shed, woodburners.


ib said...

There is not much wood to chop around here. Hatchets used to be popular. For slicing limbs and ears. Or scoring telephone poles.

I once inherited a 7 1/2 lb axe with a wooden handle for chopping firewood. Doubt it was a Swede. At that time we lived far enough from the city to have a fireplace which was more than ornamental. I hung on to it though. Makes for a good burglar deterrent.