9 July 2014
Doug " Not Batman" McCallum
I remember seeing Doug McCallum on the television news taking credit for cleaning up one of his shit city's many dirty boulevards. "Fucking bullshit," I said to myself.
Next day I went down to the boulevard to see if I was right. Brought Ranger, my second dog, with me. Tucked my hunting knife in my boot too. Probably ought to have brought an AR. McCallum's city was dangerous as fuck before he was mayor, during his time as mayor and likely to remain so until our species reaches its extinction.
Sure enough I was greeted on the still dirty boulevard by more whores, pimps and junkies than Lou Reed's life's work. "Nice dog motherfucker!" Needles more numerous than a Chistmas tree's sticking out of every patch of skin on the human body - in broad daylight - and all the fucking cops down the road in the Tim Horton's as usual.
Fuck of a crime fighter Doug McCallum is. You would mistake him for Batman if he did not look so much like Commissioner Gordon.
I have one piece of political advice I did not hear enough of when he officially launched his campaign - go fuck yourself Doug. The people of Surrey do not need you fucking them again. It was not so good the first time.