"Lou Reed died."
It was my dad on the phone from Newfoundland. I could hear the fucking wind blowing in the background.
"Wasn't he the motherfucker who just about turned you queer?"
"That was Lou," I agreed. "Lucky for you, you queer hating fuck, Lou was bisexual, like you. If he was queer I'd probably be a Canuck fan kissing Pavel Bure's ass tonight."
"What do you mean calling me a bisexual?"
"You were an altar boy for fuck's sake. It's not a matter of whether a priest sucked your dick. It's a matter of how many priests sucked your dick and how much holy wine the motherfuckers poured down your throat before you gobbled them up."
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