12 May 2013

Christy Clark Campaign Stop In Steepleton

Yesterday I had to attend Christy Clark's visit to Steepleton. When asked to attend I asked the campaign's volunteer leader, "Don't the toilets need cleaning out?"

"Don't be funny Beer," I was admonished by my humourless overseer. "She may not be Old Maggie but she's the only leader we've got. If you own anything to wear besides freebie beer t-shirts could you put one on for the event? The press will be here. We don't want to look like we spent all fucking day in Gator's on the six o'clock news."

When I was getting ready for the appearance of Our Great Leader, in the bottom of one of my two t-shirts drawers I found an old Charlie Daniels wife beater. This has to be more suitable for such an occasion, I thought to myself.

When I got to the once empty new car showroom, a pretty good a metaphor for the Liberal's election platform, I found the stage already set up, flanked by a PA system big enough for two KISS concerts. If the Liberals spent half as much of their gunnysacks of money on bullshit like big PA systems for people who do want to hear a fucking word of what their leader says and spent it developing ideas and policies people might actually believe maybe they would not have had her visiting a once solid Liberal seat such as Steepleton South with four days left in the campaign.

When Christy took the stage I felt the sudden urge to take a long Liberal beer shit and have a few shots of absinthe from a flask I have needed often during past couple months. When I returned to the hot parking lot Christy still had not shut the fuck up. There were about a hundred people there, probably less. I wondered if I was the only person there who was not a paid extra in a made for television horror movie.


Bill said...

Read the best "on the campaign trail" stories here.

As all the electioneering winds down I just want to thank you for all your civic participation and contributions, support of democracy, the many days of volunteering, political insights and beer drinking. If you have not already early voted... do not forget to vote on Tuesday.

I look forward to your election wrap up analysis.


Mr. Beer N. Hockey said...

Thanks Bill. I only wish I had time to write more in the past four weeks. Between working at the mill and volunteering for first seven, then five campaigns, I have had very little time to spend in front of a keyboard. If I ever try and do this again I will have to try harder to get myself kicked off more campaigns sooner.

Anonymous said...

Jesus on a breadboard, That was funny!
Thank You

Anonymous said...

A flask of absinthe? I always thought the sugar rush was the real buzz.

RossK said...

I find it interesting that you have not been kicked off the BCL candidate's campaign yet Beer.

Why do you think that is, exactly?