26 January 2013

On Why I Have Not Been Writing That Much

Henrik phoned last night, He, like you, is a reader of the Dope City Free Press. Henrik is Sonja's brother from 69 Mile House.

"You haven't been writing much lately you lazy fuck," he told me.

"Fuck. If you noticed probably everybody has," I shot back.

"What the fuck is the matter?"

"You're not going to believe it."

"Try me."

"You probably think I haven't been drinking."


"You're right."

"What the fuck is it?"

"My coffee maker broke down. Before Christmas the carafe handle broke and I have had no coffee at home since. Still get my coffee at Ma's before work but that's it. Be motherfucked if I am going to fucking Starbucks for a coffee on the weekend."

"Why don't you just order a new carafe? There's this thing called the internet..."

"Fuck you. I tried. They were out of replacement carafes. Fuckers build the carafes to break so you have to order an over-priced new one or buy a whole new coffee maker."

"Which you are too fucking cheap to do so you're waiting for them to get more."

"Better than that. They just got some in. Ordered one last night. Until then I am on the tea."

"What kind of tea do you drink?"

"Typhoo. If I put three bags in a pot I get tea maybe half as strong as coffee."

"Only fags drink tea."

"You should know - you're the Canuck fan."

"Watch the game last night?"

"Raymond was playing like he wants to play on the first line of the 2014 Olympic team."

"Cyclone Taylor fast."

"I have to go pour myself a drink."

"Me too. A beer. What are you drinking?"

"Black Okanagans."

"What the fuck is that?"

"Taboo absinthe and Kahlua on ice."

"Fuck you you are."

"It's the drink of the 2013 Dope City Stanley Cup Riot."

"I'll drink some if the Canucks make it that far."

"Don't worry - they won't."

"Got to go. Don't drink too much.

"Bakatcha, motherfucker."


RossK said...


That Henrik is CTaylor fast with the quips.


Mr. Beer N. Hockey said...

Not as fast as he is with a swizzle stick.

motorcycleguy said...

I will trade you a carafe for a plastic filter holder, Melita No. 6size. Just had the same discussion. I saw a segment on TV news about how Canada produces the highest per capita amount of garbage. They showed other countries in the world that were much better than us, like Norway and Sweden. That is because they are the furthest geographically from China and likely have much less Chinese made crap on their storehelves. Amount of garbage created is directly proportional to both distance from China and number of free trade agreements.