11 December 2012
There is a moral or two to this story. Fair warning.
I have here before remarked as to how writing the Dope City Free Press has opened me up to new experiences, new sensations. That, I should think, is why I keep writing here instead of burning out or fading away like most such enterprises as this do before seven years have passed by. You might say new experiences and new sensations are the currency I am paid in.
Most of the time I write about walking my dog. That is what I do. Makes it more entertaining for me when I get to write about something else. To paraphrase Buk, if I'm not entertained, nobody fucking is.
At the alcohol peyote retreat I recently attended my hosts put on a karaoke night. I have never done karaoke on account of the fact I cannot sing. That is why Mr. Beer N. Hockey does not have a Christmas special on television tonight. Sort of like why I have never flown an airplane. Any how, the karaoke book was being passed around so I looked over Sonja's shoulder to see what songs other people besides me might be singing.
"Hey," I said to Sonja, "The Sex Pistols' 'My Way' is in there."
Hunky Z and Kitty, who were nearby, overheard what I said and joined Sonja begging me to sing it knowing I never would no matter how much booze and peyote was in me.
"Fuck you all," I told them, and told the karaoke master to queue us up some Sid Vicious. He introduced me to the crowd, "Mr. Beer! From Canada!"
Drink in hand I belted it out. Loud I can do. Forgot how many cunts, fucks and queers were in the song. I added a motherfucker or two. Down there in Hell Sid may just have cracked a smile.
"I did it my way, motherfuckers!"
Quite a few people clapped when I was done. Do not believe anyone has ever clapped for me before. Goes to show you how fucking great the Sex Pistols were. Even I can make a song of their's sound good.
When I looked for the three people who had urged me on I could not find them but there was a crowd of people by the bar where they once were. Turned out Hunky had laughed so hard during my performance he had fell off his bar stool onto his head. Hard. The ambulance was already on its way.
They only kept him a night. He is okay now. He was the first casualty at the retreat. There would be one more.