Smoothie

Every once in while I drink something besides coffee that does not have liquor in it. Tonight I thought I would make myself a blueberry smoothie.

Poured almond milk in the blender. Got the blueberries from the freezer. Gathered whatever hippy shit was in the fridge that I thought might go good with blueberries. Turned on the blender and got my big hockey mug down from the cupboard to pour the spinning concoction into.

Turned off the blender after it had turned everything into a purple barf and took off the lid. Then I accidently hit the liquefy button again. There was purple motherfucking shit everywhere. On the ceiling, in my hair, on my socks, on the fridge, the stove, and the kettle. Only thing it missed was the sink. It was as if I was sitting right beside Osama Bin Laden when America assassinated him.

"Sonja!" I yelled. "Come look at what your blender did."

She came into the kitchen. A smirk formed on her face. Women love it when their old man fucks up. Then she said, "You ought to know better. Every time you drink something besides beer something bad happens."

Fuck I hate that - Sonja is always right.

I cleaned up the mess, threw what was left in the blender down the sink and got myself a fucking beer.

God damn hippies and their smoothies.