20 December 2011

Movie Night With Randy Quaid

Sonja and I took a break from socializing with our fellow hotel guests and invited Jimi up to our room to watch a pair of Christmas movies on our television. Jimi, as social as anybody you might ever meet (everybody in the hotel knows him by name), thought it a fine idea. Guess he was tired of being nice to Americans, after watching football all day with them, as we are.

"I like coming down to Mexico but I miss my favourite Christmas shows on tv almost as much as I don't miss the fucking Canucks. How did you spot a decent Christmas movie on the tv without the help of a tv guide?"

"We didn't," Sonja told him. "We brought a couple dvds down with us."

"Don't you think it is kind of weird that Christmas is not the same without watching the same old movies over and over again every year?" I asked them both.

They did not. Neither do I. But deep inside I am pretty sure it is fucked up as shit.

"Why don't you go get your pyjamas on and come up to our room and we'll get the first one started," Sonja told Jimi who shuffled off in his Jesus boots to get dressed for our little Christmas tv party.

I had never seen Jimi in his pyjamas before I let him in the door half an hour later. He walked in the door in a full set of Saskatchewean Roughrider pyjamas. "Left the scarf, toque and slippers at home," he explained as if he were somehow underdressed for the occasion before he made himself a drink at our bar and climbed into bed on Sonja's side.

"What's up first?"

First up was "Bad Santa." If you do not watch that movie every Christmas you probably should not be reading this. Highlight of this year's viewing was the three of us bouncing up and down on the bed yelling, "Fuck me Santa! Fuck me Santa! Fuck me Santa!" loud enough for everyone in our corner of the hotel to hear us and want to be fucked by Santa too.

Next up was National Lampoon's "Christmas Vacation," the greatest Christmas movie ever made. We all love Randy Quaid as much as anybody in Dope City. Motherfucker should have won a best supporting actor Oscar for his role in this one as the Griswald's cousin Eddie.

"Think Randy Quaid watched this movie every year like everybody else?" asked Sonja.

Jimi and I both took a drink as we thought about that one. Jimi answered first, "Most actors wouldn't but I bet Randy Quaid does. Playing a role like that and not getting an Oscar for it must be like painting the Mona Lisa and not being able to sell it. Motherfucker probably watches it in the middle of summer."

Merry Christmas Randy Quaid. You are one of us now, you Canadian motherfucker.


Nazz Nomad said...

Randy Quaid killed the mother fucking mothership of the motherfucking Martians in Independence Day. It is a sad thing indeed that we drove the saviour of the human race out of our country. I hope you treat him better than we did.

RossK said...


We may not treat him any better than you did, but I'm pretty sure we will treat him better than his life partner has/will.


Mr. Beer N. Hockey said...

It is an unwritten part of our Constitution that Canada must treat everybody, except foreign hockey teams, better than America does.