29 July 2011

No More Mister Nice Guy

Ma had not spoken to me all week. Until this morning. She seemed consumed with a notebook of figures she is hoping will give her the wisdom to annihilate the HST. I told her already I would find somebody else to kill me with food every morning if she votes to keep the HST. She knew I did not mean it. Just like I know she does not mean it when she says her husband, the cookie, is going to poison my food for not cheering for the fucking Canucks.

The Chinese like to poison long distance, not so much, up close.

Oh, now I am going to hear it. Beer, you fucking racist, how can you say shit like that? All I am doing here, beside entertaining myself, is reflecting, as often off the mark as on, what I hear here and there. No one in Dope City would read this if that were not so.

Finally Ma came over to sit with her first customer of the morning. She is drinking the magical potion, green tea. Coffee, maybe later.
"What is it you white people?" she asked, throwing the Norwegian Nazi's front page photo in my face. "When you go crazy how come you kill more than anybody? Nobody go on rampage like white man. And why he do it? Tell me that."

Well, I guess I am as good of a spokesman for white people as anybody. "You have to remember how crowded together we are," I reminded Ma. "Any motherfucker with half a brain can take a shot at a hundred kill if they want to. We all give the Muslims shit for blowing shit up but us white people are still the best at it. Norwegian motherfucker was an amateur, but a good and, perhaps, lucky one. Fascism is on us Ma. There's no more Red Brigade or anything like that in Europe any more. Not here either. It is all skinhead bullshit.

"Why? Nationals want to kill immigrants the world over. We suppress that urge because deep down most all of us know that bit of the human condition is best left in its fucking cage. Even your people," I addressed Ma a little more carefully now, "are keen to slow down immigration now they have their place in Canada if the way they voted for the fucking Tories in the last election is anything to go by."

"Canadian don't kill nobody like that," Ma said proudly.

"Not like that Ma."

"Canada good."

"We try and keep our mass murdering on the ice."

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