A Very Popular Thing To Do

It was when I first became aware of the concept of New Year's resolutions that I noticed my family did not make them. I first asked my dad about it.

"Only assholes make resolutions," my dad told me from his favourite chair by the television between deep inhalations from his smouldering pipe, while we watched a good violent hockey game many New Year's Eves ago. His glass of rye, reflecting the lights of the Christmas tree, rested temporarily on the table. "People think they can make their lives better by making resolutions but all they end up doing is making themselves and everybody around them more miserable than they already are. Canadians don't make resolutions. Let the dumbfuck countries make all the resolutions they want."

My mom was reading a book in her favourite chair, the one nearest the kitchen. The light from the fireplace reflected in her glass of red. I asked her if she agreed with the old man. "I had an American cousin who made a resolution once and followed through on it. He resolved he would sign up with the army in the second war. Did not go so good for him. Your dad's right, Beer. Resolutions are for assholes. I hear it's still a very popular thing to do down in States."

I was at the age when kids start formulating their own personal philosophy. Once I got going on that quest I soon learned the last people you want to ask for advice is your parents. What the fuck do they know? They chose to live in Motherfucking, Alberta once. But I have yet to make a resolution on New Year's Eve.

Fuck that shit.