Those of you who have been reading the Dope City Free Press from around about the beginning back in 2005 are probably wondering why my dog, the Hammer, has not eaten any human shit lately. Wonder no more, motherfuckers.
For a long time now I have done my best to keep my dog off trails where I know the local homeless shit. Everybody has to shit some where. If I were homeless I would shit straight down Gordon Campbell's throat. The shit avoidance plan was working well right up until tonight.
My dog and I were having a perfectly nice walk. The rain had not started yet. I had a couple beer in my jacket pockets and one in my hand. That was when I noticed the Hammer behind me getting into something. "God damn it," I thought to myself. Sure enough, when she caught up to me she was covered in brown smelly shit goo. Between her teeth too. Brown, brown, brown, brown.
I took her home. Hosed her down in the back yard. After that she looked pretty good but she still smelled pretty bad and she could have used a good flossing. After that Sonja cleaned her best as she could in the tub.
"Hammer," Sonja coo'd, "have you been eating homeless people's shit again? Why do you do that? Don't you know it makes your Beer-daddy and me want to puke our fucking guts out?"
2 comments:
" If I were homeless I would shit straight down Gordon Campbell's throat."
Now here's a man with a plan - I like your style!
My style is powered by Old Style.
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