18 July 2009

Love


First off I would like to thank all the farmers out there for the food you have provided for those of us who are not much good for anything besides drinking beer, telling politicians to fuck off and die and admiring roller girl bottoms. I never feel better than I do after I have been eating fresh local fruit and vegetables for a few weeks. Go buy some berries, motherfuckers.


Tonight, same as the last few nights, I had some corn on the cob with the rest of my dinner. The rest of my dinner tonight was a pork chop, two scoops of mashed spuds and several iced cold welfare beers. As soon as I put down my knife and fork after dinner the Hammer is right on me. "Give me the fucking pan!" her eyes scream to me. "Give it to me!" My dog getting the meat cooking pan after I have eaten is a tradition around here.


Once the Hammer is done lick-lick-licking the pan she finds me and tells me, "That was one good fucking pan. Thanks Beer. Maybe next time you could leave a little meat on the pan though you cheap fuck."


I love the fucking farmers. I love my fucking dog. But most of all I love my fucking beer.

2 comments:

Jon said...

Yes, but do farmers, not to mention your dog and beer, love fucking you?

Mr. Beer N. Hockey said...

The farmers around here are too busy growing dope and making it look like they still give a damn about their traditional farms to set aside the time necessary, only a couple minutes, to fuck me.

Your comment sounds like something Ed Sanders would sing.