Unless Beer is real tired he takes me to the park when he comes home from work. Sometimes he even takes me for a car ride out into the country where everything smells like shit even more than where we live. But my favourite place he takes me is down where the homeless people live. They shit all over the place and I eat it up. Today we went to the park. It was really windy and really cold so it was just me and Beer. I did some sprints, peed and took a shit. Beer picked that up and dumped it in a can.
When we got back from the park it was time for Beer to feed me. He jammed the dog food scooper into the bin. I like watching Beer get my food ready so that was what I was doing. Watching and drooling. Three bits of food fell from the scoop as he lifted it out of the bin. Beer put one of the three pieces of food into my silver bowl first, like he was expecting me to eat it or something. Beer likes to play games like that.
There was no fucking way I was going to touch that single piece of food.
Next Beer put the other two pieces of food that had fallen on the floor into the bowl with the other one and encouraged me to eat them. "Eat it," he said, "it's a fucking appetizer."
I wagged my tail a little and stared him down.
He filled up the bowl and sprinkled the magic powder I like so much on it. When I was done I licked the bowl and headed for my water bowl. "Lick-lick-lick-lick-lick-lick." Love my water. Then I headed over to Beer. He petted me, belched loudly and I fell asleep with my head on his smelly wool socks.