Cowboy

Even if you are not a cowboy you ought to wear a cowboy hat every now and then. In some circumstances, wearing a cowboy hat sets you apart from the crowd. Wearing a cowboy hat at a rock show or the symphony are two such circumstances. In other circumstances, wearing a cowboy hat tells everyone you are part of the crowd; you can yee-fucking-haw with the best of them.

I wore a cowboy hat when I was a little boy. I had a six shooter too. Used to ride my rocking horse and drop make believe chugs like I was Daniel Boone. My favourite television show was Gunsmoke; my favorite movies starred the Lone Ranger.

When my family moved from Alberta and we drove, startled, into Dope City I asked my parents from the backseat, "How come nobody but the Indians wear cowboy hats here?"

If you are spotted staggering a little bit under your cowboy hat people think you are a drunk cowboy. You may even be silently admired for what balance you have maintained and the fact you have not pissed yourself despite your nearness to an alcohol overdose. If you are spotted staggering without a cowboy hat you are just a fucking drunk.