23 June 2007

Sitting In A Hospital Bed

One of the times I was in the hospital I did not take a shit for several days. I began eating less and less as the shit inside me built up like tension in Palestine. The guys I was sharing my room with even noticed how little I was eating.

"You sure aren't eating much Beer. When was the last time you took a dump?"

"It wasn't that long ago," I confided, "I guess about eleven days."

I felt like I was going to die.

"You better talk to one of the nurses dude."

I called up a nurse. She said, "I'll get you a suppository. You are about due for release but we are not going to let you out until you have a bowel movement." She waddled away in her uniform. It was a good waddle.

When she came back the nurse told me, "Just stick this up your ass." She handed me a bullet shaped suppository. I had never used one and have never used one since. When you drink as much beer as I do shitting is the least of your worries.

I looked at the bullet. It was almost big as a shotgun shell. I told her, "I'm not sticking anything in my ass. Fuck that."

She looked at me with her nurse look. "Do you want me to do it?"

I looked at her with my please stick something in my ass look.

She told me, "Roll over on your side." I rolled over and listened to her snap on her rubber gloves.

There was not much room up my ass where the eleven day's worth of shit was camped out in the dark but she fit it in. It takes a special person to be a nurse. A special person with cold little fingers.

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