15 February 2007

Valentine's Pain

As a Valentine's Day present to Sonja I decided I better replace a couple light bulbs in the office. The fixture holds three bulbs and two of them were burnt out as of a couple days ago.

First I had a few rye and gingers. Alcohol and house chores go together like the NDP and smoking a joint or two in the parking lot before a party fundraiser. Once I was half cut I climbed up on a wheeled office chair to reach the light fixture. Nothing makes doing something dangerous seem safe faster than a couple cupfuls of good Canadian whisky. Sonja was working on the computer as I did this. When she looked over to see what I was doing she asked, "What the fuck are you doing Beer? Get off that chair! You're going to kill yourself!"

"I've done this a million times. Pass me my rye and I'll be done in a jiffy," I asked hopefully.

"I'm not passing anything to you up there. Get the fucking ladder!"

"Fuck the motherfucking ladder. I know what I am doing."

"I really wonder about you sometimes Beer."

"That's not what it said on the Valentine's card you gave me this morning."

"Those cards are all bullshit and you know it."

"I meant everything that was on the card I gave you!"

"What did it say on the card Beer?"

"Fuck! Ok, you got me there. Wasn't it something about you being the sexiest broad in Steepleton?"

Just then the the only good light bulb of the set exploded in a flash of white light. I suppose I should have turned off the power before I started on the electrical work. Luckily, the rye had calmed my nerves or I might have lost my balance when the flash went off in my face.

I think I'll have another if you don't mind.

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