13 February 2007

University of the Homeless

Concerned people in Dope City are wondering what our evil government has planned for the thousands of homeless and prostitutes when the Olympics get underway in three years. If the government does not make prostitution legal and homelessness illegal by the time the first bag of powerful ganja is sold to a happy Olympic tourist I figure all the BAD PEOPLE will be moved out here to Steepleton.

There are already so many homeless people here a few thousand more would go pretty much unnoticed. If the government had a Department of Visionaries somebody might even get the bright idea to open up a University of the Homeless.

Think about it.

Dorms would be the most economic way to get people under a roof. Doctoring, food, education and other necessities would be centralized. Plus, Steepleton would see a great economic benefit from the institution. Our drug dealers would be ecstatic. And the Animal Sacrificing Evangelicals would have a whopping big pile of people they could try and save from the dirty finger nailed clutches of the Devil.

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Just like every day I took the Hammer for a walk this afternoon. There was nobody in the park so she zipped this way and that with her imaginary dog friends. After a bit she took a big shit that was slightly yellow coloured - must be the new dog cookies I bought her from the Dog Shop. Then she zipped around the park some more. Turning to see what had happened to her after I had not seen her for a minute I saw she was rolling in something.

The Hammer only rolls in two things and horses do not use my neighbourhood park. When she was done rubbing her long fur in the leaves in the corner of the park she ran up to me to see how I liked her new smell. She had rolled in the shit of the homeless again. It was on her collar, her neck and her legs. The stinky, slimy fucking shit was right in her ears. At least she does not eat it. (My dog Ranger was a shit eater. He would smile at you with shit in between his teeth.) I suppressed a good vomit and let her run around the park some more.

When we got home I had to be real careful getting her into the tub. I did not want any of the vomit inducing shit on me or the house. It washed off pretty good. She still stunk a little from the Steepleton honey she rolled in a while back so it is hard to say how clean I got her in the tub.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

no,
no,
and no

I hate the smell of urine soaked 24 foot fences

Larry Gambone said...

Nothin like a shit-eatin' grin on a dog!

Mr. Beer N. Hockey said...

Thanks for joining the party Larry. A man in an insanely authoritarian, arid American state will be pleased a couple of his longtime friends have met up. Damn computers!