12 February 2007

All I Wanted Was Some Fucking Ting

As I approached the Shopper Heaven I had to sidestep this motherfucker walking across the parking lot instead of making his way towards the automatic doors as I was doing. You do not see many people going against the grain in a ten acre parking lot.

He shouted, "Hey you dumb cocksucker! You should be careful who you fucking honk at. Look at me when I'm talking to you asshole. I'll kick your motherfucking ass you cocksucker!"

The dumb cocksucker he was shouting at did not look at the loudmouth who does not like getting honked at by asshole cocksucker motherfuckers. He just walked up to the Shopper Heaven automatic doors and headed in to buy himself some new underwear.

I was right behind the guy. I was going into the store to load up on Ting. I wish I could but man does not live on beer alone. Before the automatic doors swallowed me up I turned because the loudmouth was talking, more quietly, to someone as he made his way to the store.

The loudmouth was talking to his wife. His wife was ugly. And when I say ugly I am talking about the sort of people Oprah's staff would dig up if they did a show on fucking ugly people. And she was twice as big as the loudmouth. A female retired offensive lineman.

No wonder the loudmouth was in a shitty mood.

On a whim I stopped inside the big glass door and asked the loudmouth, "You always try and pick fights with people who honk at you in mall parking lots?"

He slid a little closer to his moo of a wife and walked right by me without saying a word. Most days I think we Canadians should be legally able to carry concealed weapons. Today was one of them. Maybe the first guy getting yelled at for being a honker would have shut that loudmouth up for good. Would have saved him the cost of a few pairs of shorts.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Another truly tender and gentle post beer. Right up there with
Emily Bronte and Roo Boreson. I love ya....

Ya big dicksmack

Nicole said...

I see that 2007 has been bringing out the best in you!!! :)

I LOVE it!!!
lol


say....what gives...you won the goddammned Grey Cup....now your Canuckkies are trying to take Stanley away from my Ryan Smyth???

Say it ain't sooooo Beer, say it ain't so!!!!

I replied to your comment, btw.
Let me know if you have been to either lakes I mentioned!!!

Mr. Beer N. Hockey said...

I was hoping Roo Borson might be an Australian beer swilling comic book hero.

Anonymous said...

What's next, you ask yourself.
You ask it ten thousand times.


her stuff is smokin' when yer high

A. B. Chairiet said...

Hi Beer N. H.,

Happy Valentine's Day!!

I thought I'd leave my well-wishes here, what with the pink colored text and all. ;)

I hope you and Sonja have a great day!

Love,
~ Ash