14 October 2006

Dogs Are So Cute!

If I include Canucks, the loser lap dog the Hockey family boarded for two years while his family was posted in Germany, I have had two dogs of each sex. Lots of people figure various canine tempermental attributes and disorders are in part due to the animal's sex. I do not know about that. Dogs, like people, are complex motherfuckers.

I have thought about opening a dog psychiatry shop out in the garage. You do not need any official papers to open up such a shop. I do, however, have lots of experience at being treated like a dog down at the sawmill. And being mistreated is at the root of most all so-called problem dogs. If I became a dog psychiatrist I could call myself Dr. Beer and get going on a cocaine addiction.

What everybody wants if they have a dog is a happy dog. The only happy dog is a tired dog. So if your dog is not happy get off the hockey watching couch and take your dog out onto the street to meet his or her crackhead neighbours. If you allow the crackheads to pet your dog it may be the only true joy they feel that day.

My mom and dad thought I had a bedwetting problem after Canucks moved into our house. I can still remember what my dad said when they figured out it was the dog who was peeing on me in my bed while I slept. "Fucking Canucks! That's probably why the neighbours moved to Germany - to get as far away from Canucks as they could. Canucks," he shook the hopeless little dog's mangy head, "you piss me off!"

Both my male dogs, including little Canucks, were homosexual. If one of my dogs attracted a willing partner into the backyard for a fuck festival I would pull up a chair, have a few beers and watch them go at it. Most male dogs are gay but people do not talk about it much.

I never witnessed any of my female dogs pulling any lesbian action. Maybe because dogs can lick themselves all over.


Anonymous said...

hold off on the 'doggie shrink sessions' in the garage...

Until you figure out dogs are not homosexual you Godless Freudian Fuk

They are bi -sexual... they will hump
anything anytime anywhere

except maybe a sawmill worker with a dirty ass

Mr. Beer N. Hockey said...

In theory dogs are bisexual. In reality, with the lure of females in heat scarce as a Subhumans song on the radio, dogs have nothing to attract them to bitches.

The closest any of my male dogs came to coupling with a bitch was humping a pink blanket.

Anonymous said...

you are correct there, beer

the canine mission statement:

If ya can't
eat it
or fight it
or fuck it

piss on it