Delicacy

How can I put this delicately, for I am one delicate motherfucker?

The Hammer shit on the carpet. And the Hammer is not a piddling little chihuahua. The shit was brown and runny and big. There were many shits. I woke up and my living room had been taken over by shit and stink. One of them looked like Jesus. A couple others looked like Mohammed. They all stinked like Conservatives. But the shit got (sort of) wiped up before word got out amongst the local Animal Sacrificing Christian community or else the suckers would be lined up down the block wanting to pray to my dog's big stinky shit.

All my dogs took a shit in the house at one time or another. Strangler took one behind a speaker we did not discover until it was harder than getting tickets to a Canadiens' game in this town.

Sonja says, "Looks like this is the push we needed to get some new flooring."

I still love my Hammer, the runny shitter. She has been upset and sneezing the last day or two. By the time I figured out she had probably been stung in the face by a bee she was all better.

Tomorrow she gets to visit the vet.