18 June 2006
Beacon of objectivity and long time resident of the Animal Sacrifice Christian capital of Canada that I am, I am sometimes asked by those considering scramming from the crime and sickness of places like Dope City and Sliverville, "So Beer just what kind of a town is Steepleton really?"
Shortly after I first moved here when I was out walking my dog Strangler we came upon a garage sale. I tied Strangler to the fence at the street, patted her on the head and told her, "Good Strangler," and went in. Amidst the piles of Bibles and animal sacrificing equipment for sale in the garage was a copy of Cheech and Chong's Big Bambu. It still had the huge rolling paper inside the gate sleeve. That was the kind of town I moved to.
The Steepleton of today is very much what you read about in the Dope City Free Press. Steepleton may shut down a little earlier than most cities but we pack as much crime and mayhem into the hours available to us as possible. Watching a Christian town like this disintegrate helps you understand how many Christians are impatient as Edmonton is for game seven to see the motherfucking Apocolypse Now.