The Cannon

My first rock show in Dope City had to be April Wine. They played in one of the old hockey barns near the thoroughbred track. I'm not sure if it was the Forum or the Garden - I always get them confused.

I do not think I even had an April Wine record in my infant, 100 album collection by then. Word was the boys from back east had a big rock show in them. There would be strobes, smoke-pots and a cannon that they shot at the audience just in case they were not freaked out enough already.

Before the show Axel, Don and I sat on the grass in the sun shine and smoked the small amount of weed we had and knocked back rum and root beer. Before we knew it we were as shitfaced as Ozzy. When the doors were opened we joined the crush to get inside. It was only the crush of bodies that kept us vertical.

Don said, "I can't feel my fucking head."

Axel said, "I can't feel my fucking legs."

I said, "I wish I had a fucking beer."

Security missed the bags of warm dark rum we had stuffed and carefully sealed in our crotches. When we got in we headed straight for the concession to order ourselves some root beer.

I would be bullshitting you if I said remembered the warm up band. It may have been Moxy. If it was Moxy they rocked like motherfuckers.

Pretty soon Axel started heaving. Some people cannot handle their rum and root beer. There was fucking puke everywhere. Chunky, chunky puke that smelled like chunky, chunky puke. In a minute or two Axel had a good 30 foot circle around him with no people in it but lots and lots of puke. He sat in the middle of the circle, his head circling like a root beer bottling plant.

When April Wine came on people started throwing firecrackers and shit around. Don said to me, "Do you smell something burning?" I assured him everything was ok. In a minute his frayed bell bottom jeans were sending flames up his legs. He was ok once the initial panic was over and we patted out the considerable flamage.

When April Wine fired their cannon at the audience and we all freaked out I knew I was born to rock like Tiger Williams was born to play hockey.