17 March 2006

I'm Jesus Motherfucking Christ

I almost talked myself out of my work out today. My brain was saying, "Fuck it Beer. Why don't you just steer the car home to a big fat spliff, grab one of the delicious Patagonias from the bottom of the fridge and watch Oprah kiss some dumb motherfucking Scientologist's ass on the tv." My brain says shit like that to me every day. My brain is some fucked up baby. But my brain is not as fucked up as the guy whose brain told him to smash his meat wagon into a ferry today, jump out of his van and jump into the ocean screaming, "I'm Jesus Motherfucking Christ."

What is it with people thinking they are Jesus? More disturbed people think they are the Great Trickster Jesus than any body else. The Muslims get a lot of bad press but I have never heard of a whack job Muslim driving into a ferry, jumping off it into five degree water, while yelling, "I think I am The Big Mo."

Maybe that is why the Muslims do not want pictures of their Idol circulated around. Seeing too many depictions of your Idol may drive certain people insane. And we sure as fuck do not want any crazy Muslims running around.

I did my work out with one motivation in mind. Tomorrow is St. Patrick's Day. I have a parade of crazy people to attend. None of us will be crazy enough to think we are Jesus but our driving may be a little erratic.

While I was swimming one of the lifeguards played "New York, New York" on the pool sound system. The lifeguards were dancing, the people without a full deck who come to the pool all the time were dancing. It was like 1994 all over again if you were not a Canuck fan.

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