It must be about a month since the Hammer rolled in any smelly shit of the homeless. There can only be one explanation for this unlikely turn of events: the Salvation Army is putting something in their soup to stop the homeless from shitting.
In other news from a theme from my soon to be a motherfucking motion picture journal, a leg humper just phoned. A leg humper is someone who phones constantly about re-subscribing to their lame Dope City newspaper. Today's leg humper sounded like she was on the jazz. I think I may have to hire some leg humpers myself.
"Hello Mr. Wants To Have His Leg Humped. Would you like to subscribe to the Dope City Free Press? It is the best motherfucking newspaper in town. No shit! As a special offer to all whose legs we only have to hump once you get a free beer with your home delivery. On cold days we guarantee your morning beer will be as cold as the facts inside the best motherfucking newspaper in Dope City."