24 December 2005

In My Smelly Underwear

The Hammer has a pretty pink collar so she looks more like a girl now thanks to one of the women Sonja works with. You would think squatting to pee was feminine enough. When Sonja was wrapping presents a short while ago she sprayed a bit of the cologne we got her pops onto something the Hammer was able to roll around on. So now she may look like a girl but she smells like Elvis Presley's backside. I believe that was the name of the cologne - Essence of Elvis' Ass. When Sonja's pops walks down the hall of his apartment he is going to get hot, hot grandma panties thrown at him.

After I exercized Hammer this afternoon I had to go to the mall where my bank is to cash a cheque that came unexpectedly in the mail. It was busier than the White House thinking up reasons why when the KGB and the Stasi and Saddam spy on their citizens they are a bunch of motherfuckers with little if any expectation of survival but when the NSA do it they are defending our right to enjoy group sex and unlimited refills of our prescription medicines. It did not look like I was going to get a parking spot anywhere near the bank until I swung my little car in front of someone else who had their beady eyes on the valuable stall. The person in the other car just pursed their lips and kept on circling the parking lot like a confused hyena looking for dead meat. People are wise to the dangers of Christmas parking lot punch-ups here in Dope City.

When I got home I hit the welfare beer. I like Mexican beer usually but when you are on sick leave the welfare beer has to do. I've been off long enough now I just hang around the house in my smelly underwear. I do not even change my smelly shorts when I have to go to the doctor. He's seen dead bodies. How bad can I smell compared to a dead motherfucker?

Speaking of smelly motherfuckers. Someone was living in a tent down below the railroad tracks near my place all summer and well into the fall. I saw them one day walking out of the Johnny-on-the-Spot the parks department supplies for the soccer players and baseball players to shit and piss in. Recently it finally got too cold and the tent person fucked off some place warmer. They just do not make homeless people like they used to.

1 comment:

Brownie said...

Homeless people?
Keep on rockin in the real world, Neil Young.

Shotgun Willie sits around in his underwear, Bitin on a bullet an tearin out all a his hair . . .