29 June 2011
My First KISS Show
When I went to my first hockey game at my little town's new hockey arena last winter I could see that it was a great place to see a rock show. I have never been big on arena rock shows but with the arena being about as close to my home as the Drive is to Dope City's Colosseum there was no way Sonja and I were going to miss the next rock show that got booked into the place.
Turned out the next rock show was KISS. Sonja, my telephone angel, ordered us the tickets, a couple rows up from the right hand of the stage. Alright. Paid an arm and leg for them of course. That is what it costs to see the Canucks lose game seven, God or Gene Simmons.
When the big night arrived I was sick. An early summer cold. Could not even drink. Instead I took some pills (the good ones the doctors hand out like candy to old motherfuckers like me), drank a bottle of prescription cold syrup and put another bottle of cough syrup and a few more pills into my pocket before we left home.
We got to the show early so we could look at the KISS freaks outside as they arrived. There were lots of people all painted up. The crowd was littered with people from seventy to seven dressed as their favourite band members, dressed to motherfucking kill.
The cough syrup and pills began to work. By the time the doors opened I needed a fucking beer. Before I could get my beer and Sonja could get some wine we had to be searched by security. Sonja wanted to be patted down by a good looking muscle man but he motioned her to a lady who let her in. I had a Hindoo search me, a Hindoo from my gym.
"How you doing?" I asked him as he was about to begin.
"Beer!" he said, "Aren't you a little old for this shit?"
"Fuck you," I told him. "Shouldn't you be doing a drive-by somewhere?"
When his hand brushed over the bottle of cough syrup he made me take it out. After looking at for a second he handed it back. "I'm not being paid to confiscate some geezer's cough medicine. Don't drink it all at once. The first aid in this joint isn't that good."
First band up was Bad City. From Chicago. For a hair metal band their hair was not even that good. I thought they were terrible so one day soon they will probably be huge.
As we were waiting for KISS to come out the Green Men showed up. I should have known those two Canuck motherfuckers were KISS fans. The crowd cheered them like you would not believe. Canuck fans are so fucked in the head they are dangerous.
Sonja had seen KISS before, back when she had even more of an attitude than she has now. I missed them back in my long hair days.
I have seen some pretty funny rock shows in the past but my first KISS show was the most hilarious of all. I fucking loved it. The music, the flames, the banter, the blood, the bombs, the boots, the video, the fog, the strobes, every fucking second of it.
And I got my first KISS t-shirt. Fuck you, you disco motherfuckers.