15 January 2011

Hockey, Hockey, Hockey


Sometimes I wonder if I am Canadian enough even though I am 100% Canadian, eat maple syrup, drink beer and want to fuck Pamela Anderson at centre ice. Around here it is hockey, hockey, hockey, hockey all the time. I could fucking puke. I have not turned my bar into a shrine to my favourite team; I do not listen to hockey radio on the way to and from work every day; I do not hope to run into a professional hockey player in the bar and then tell everybody how fucking cool it was.

Fuck it.

I do start to watch a little hockey on television once Christmas is done with however. Before that I only ever tune into Hockey Night In Canada to listen to Don Cherry's bullshit. Cherry is the voice of conservative head up its ass Canada - our very own Sarah Palin. For me it worth listening to Cherry to keep in touch with Canadians who share his simplistic values - the motherfuckers who think we are smart to be fucking with Afghanistan.

I have even watched the Canucks play a few games. They are in first place, something that has never happened before. They look very good. It is very strange. Usually everybody at work or in the pub after work pisses on the Canucks. "I don't even know why I watch that shit," is about the politest thing most people have to say about the team that represents a city that has not won the Stanley Cup in just about 100 years. People are so used to being negative about the Canucks they do not know what to say any more. Across the country, everybody but the Frogs are starting to think of them as Canada's team. They look that good.

I hope they do well. The bars in Dope City could use a shot in the arm now that the fucking government has finally scared the get pissed and watch hockey crowd into doing it at home and not in public.

As for me, I am counting down the days until roller derby begins its new sexy and violent season in March and Dope City Downs runs its first races in April. The Canucks and their overpriced, watered down horse shit hockey can fuck off and die.

4 comments:

Jon said...

What, are you going to give up beer next? Donuts? You're scaring me. I'm a little worried at the thought you would give up alcohol so at least do me this much of a favor and don't become a fucking wine connoisseur. I mean, Roller Derby is OK but I will not read the writings of a man named Mr. Napa Valley Chardonay N. Roller Derby.
I remain loyal.

Mr. Beer N. Hockey said...

How Mr. Naramata Merlot N. Derby? Was a time I would knock back a few cases of wine at Christmas. That is as close as I came to becoming yuppie motherfucking scum.

uniplmr1 said...

I know the Canucks beat the Bruins once in Boston in 1976. I got my ass kicked in the bleachers that night by Canadians or Charlestown Rats or someone and arrested for bleeding later on by Boston cops.The big amazing part was Vancouver beat us, the rest was routine.I still hate the BPD. And fuck Kevin White, too.

ib said...

Well. I don't know much about hockey, but I know a bit about wine. Yuppies know sweet fuck all about the grape, and a whole hell of a lot about the label. Fact is, a cheap bottle of suppermarket Merlot will go a little further than most beers. It will taste just as good as a label costing three times as much, and probably pours from the same vineyard.

Of course, these days I try and stick to the whites. The tannin they use in those inexpensive reds I am used to stain my teeth something awful and makes me look like I've been bleeding all over the bleachers too.