6 June 2010

Good Dog

Took the dog
Around the neighbourhood.

We saw a lady jogging.

She had a very big bum.

We watched the big bum
And then it was gone.

Then we saw two evangelizers
Going door to door.

They looked like slightly
Older versions
Of Ned Flanders
And his wife.

Further still we saw
A single evangelist
Working on his own.

Guess when he asked
His wife to go evangelizing
On a sunny Saturday morning
She told him to,
"Fuck off!"

Later there was a
Knock on our door.

"Don't answer it,
It's just Bible Thumpers,"
I told Sonja.

The dog
Looked at the Bible thumpers
Through the window
Like they were shit
She wanted to eat.

Good dog.

1 comment:

mollymew said...

Don't let your dog get at the Jehovahs Beer. See...
"Intensive Care Protocols for Dogs Afflicted with Acute Jehovah and Mormon Poisoning; A Comparative Study:, International Journal of Veterinary Gastroenterology, 12:7, 205-210 (April 2009)
Extract from the abstract:
"...Ingestion of stray evangelists is known to result in high morbidity and mortality amongst domestic dogs. Epidemiological surveys have shown that the incidence of these unfortunate events is highest in certain areas of the USA. Afflicted canines are often presented to veterinary hospitals post mortem but when received ante mortem they exhibit symptoms of acute self-righteous bloat. Various treatments have been advocated over the years, but the mortality is still unacceptably high even in intensive veterinary emergency hospitals.
The authors of this paper present the results of treatment of 20 dogs presented in various degrees of morbidity. All were treated via gastric intubation with an infusion of gay porn in marijuana extract blessed by a team of satanic priests and imams. This was compared to another cohort who were treated with various partial methods of this protocol. The results of the full protocol were quite encouraging. 10 out of twenty dogs recovered with no subsequent problems as the ingested toxins were expelled via violent emesis within seconds. 5 dogs recovered but were seen to have an excessive sexual attraction for young boys or an insatiable appetite for the contents of the owners' wallets subsequent to the incident. These animals were easily rehabilitated by reducing their exposure to the environmental triggers. Five dogs, however, had to be euthanized due to central nervous system damage that made them unsuitable companion animals. Constant "barking in tongues" was an unique syndrome observed in these animals, a consequence of evangelical ingestion that has so far not be described in the verterinary literature...."