9 January 2010

Message From the Groucho Marxist Olympics Support Committee

Dope City's Winter Olympics are getting so close I can just about smell the Swedish women's ice hockey team; feel the Norwegian women's curling team's brooms; taste the American women's skeleton team; see the Korean women speed skaters in their skin suits; hear the rich tourists making their marijuana and coke buys, before the biggest motherfucking party in Dope City history takes off to the Great White North.

The Olympics is mainly a symbolic thing. When you saw Shania Twain gripping the great smoking white torch in her warm mitts, the symbolism ought to have hit you right between your legs. The Olympics is a big white dick, motherfuckers, and in 2010, the big white dick is ours to show off to the big white dick loving world.

My excitement is not shared by as many of my fellow countrymen as you might think. We are so fucking stoned around here it takes a multiple tasering to speed our languorous pulse.

The people most excited about the Olympics is the protest crowd. Canada is a free country, so the police keep telling us, so protestors are part of the package. Trouble is, if Canada were a box of Corn Flakes, protestors would be a smaller part of the package than the amount of preservatives in the box of crunchy sweet flakes. I do not think their protesting is going to amount to shit.

There is something the protestors could do that would amount to something. The mad Irishman in charge of the great big white dick shebang told you just what the protestors ought to do just the other day. He is asking everybody to stay out of their cars while the the party is underway.

So why don't you lay down your placards, fill up your Subarus with gas and get in the fucking way? If you don't, it is because you are more interested in getting on fucking television than fucking shit up.

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