14 December 2009

Where Have All the Americans Gone?

There was one most notable difference
Between our most recent vacation
In Mexico
And our previous stays there:

There were not very many Americans
Enjoying a good time amidst
The misery of their southernmost neighbours.

Usually the red, white and blue
Outnumber us red and whites by a large margin.

This time we outnumbered them.

I guess America's Depression is real,
Not just a figment of CNN's imagination.

The bars that cater to Canadians
Were doing a roaring business,
Turning customers away
When the CFL play-off games
Were underway on the big screens.

Visiting the bars that catered to Americans
And their peculiar brand of football
Was unlike any American experience
I have ever had before.

It was like visiting a nearly empty bar in Iceland
With a chess match on television in the corner.

What few Americans there were,
Doing their best to get shitfaced
Were not the usual brash,
Chest-thumping motherfuckers,
We're number ones,
We all know and love.

They were more like husbands and wives
Recently caught cheating on their spouses/income taxes
And happy to see it was Canadians
Staggering through the bar door -
Not the fucking bailiff again.

The Americans we did meet and befriend
In places you do not usually find Americans
Were not your usual Americans either.

They were cheerful, polite and quick-witted to boot.

Randy and Christmas,
From Billings, Montana (or so they said)
Were a pair of the best Americans
I have ever met.

Like hemp farmers from Manitoba,
Glad to be free of winter and hockey,
Who had enjoyed the best harvest ever.

They were pro-legalization,
Dissatisfied with the conservativeness of Obama's rule.

They were my brother and sister,
We got drunk in the pool
And cursed the same Masters
Who too many believe know it all.

We all know better now
To trust those who Trust in God.

It is better to trust in Mathematics
Than in Wall Street Witches, by far.


Jon said...

This is not good but I hope something good comes of it. Nice to know we're not crowding the Canadians anymore. One of the times I was most ashamed to be an American was spring break in Baja.

Mr. Beer N. Hockey said...

The organizers of the upcoming Dope City Winter Olympics are counting on Americans ariving here, spending money like crazy on crack and whores and behaving like first rate asses. An Olympics just would not be an Olympics without that sort of thing. It would be like a Grey Cup party without a horse in the middle of it.

ib said...

The thing is this. As 'Swine Flu' blew in from the west on a gulf stream, it would seem that Scotland shares more of a direct exchange than any other European nation. Outside of Spain.

Not that I'm complaining. I have long been a fan of Spanish Flu.

But. Where the fuck was I when they were handing out the air tickets ?